The James Murua ultimate advice column

The James Murua ultimate advice column
The James Murua ultimate advice column

The dilemma

I have been having a problem with my wife, Dr Murua. My wife of three years has been suspecting me of wrongdoing even though I had been getting praises from the neighbours in her presence. My achievements on the pool table, the darts board and volume of alcohol has brought glory to my family.

Unfortunately, recently a 'friend' who almost dated her and had never been supportive of my marriage gave her documents that are very incriminating to me. They were receipts of two people; myself included, having fun with another person at the Euro Hotel. There are also receipts for my laundry which had to be cleaned up after a weekend at the hotel.

It’s not the first time this situation has happened. My beloved wife once busted me at the Anglo American Inn and a while before that at the Goldnni Bed & Breakfast. And it was the same friend who helped her crack the case. What can I do to ensure that I can either deflect her attention on this issue again? Alternatively, how can I conclusively solve this and make it go away for good?

Worried Philanderer in Nairobi

The first reader

Worried Philanderer,

Did she see you with the lady in question? Even if she did, you need to deny, deny, deny. Ask her where the person who was laundering the clothes went to school. The idea here is that you are asking if they are qualified to given an opinion on your clothes. Also you need to enquire on the hotel in question. Is it properly registered in Kenya? Do they have a health certificate from the relevant authorities? If these documents are not readily available from the hotel, how can we take the hotel’s receipts seriously? At the end of the day you must give your own personal stand whatever the evidence is put before you. The stand must be given with the term “propaganda” being thrown in liberally to show the friend will never be her husband however many times he throws papers around.

Good luck my friend

The second reader

Worried Philanderer,

This is a simple matter. You want to show the person who did this alleged investigation is not serious. This alleged best friend is only using the documents that are available in the public domain, therefore it cannot be taken seriously. Is she licensed to go around carrying out investigations of this magnitude? Has she gone to those hotels herself to verify the real truth of the matter? Until the friend is able to come up with concrete evidence that is backed by photographic facts and a certificate from Mafisi Sacco and my employer, your wife should be told not to take the friend seriously.

You also need to remind her just how rare it is to find husbands like you in the market in spite of that story about there being many fish in the sea. Please remind her you are recently featured in the estate newsletter as one of the 20 most handsome husbands in the hood. Therefore you know the two of you will go far together with the most beautiful children around. These allegations are simply done to make the two of you look bad to neighbours some of whom often visit. Does she really want the neighbours to stop visiting?

The expert opinion

Your concerns are heavily noted but you need to decide what you want to do as a next step. If you want to continue to deflect the issue then you want to go to the root cause of her worries as a spouse. You should consider using the same methods that you used in the past. In your letter you did not mention what they were but they probably involve misinformation and the classic divide-and-rule tactics. Therefore you want to bring the real intention of the “friend” bringing this information to your wife and remind her the real reason she is an interested party. While doing this you also want to continue down the line and ensure her family comes into the mix and remind her what she might lose if this line of reasoning is continued.

If the alternative is that you want to solve this once and for all, you either leave your partner if you can’t remain faithful or you recommit to her, and this time really look out for her interests. Don’t bring a risk to her life with philandering all over town.