Mums tell of pain after breadwinner sons join al Shabaab

Six years ago, Zuwena Rukia’s son went missing, disappearing without a trace, living behind his wife and two children, including an infant less than four months.

Zuwena (not her real name) hasn’t seen him since and suspects he left his family in Mombasa to join al Shabaab terrorists in Somalia.

“I don’t know where he is, what happened to him or whether he is safe. Only God knows. I cried a lot, got darker and thinner. Now I’m better but the pain persists,” she says.

Habida Hassan’s (not her real name) case is sadder.

Her son disappeared seven years ago.

In February, she received a chilling message on WhatsApp – her son had been killed.

“He was a hero, a shujaa, a martyr. Allah will reward him in Jannah,” the message read. It included a picture of her son’s body.

Two more mothers had the same story – their sons deserted them to join the terrorist group. They are hoping they will return, but hope is fading.

On Thursday, the four broke down in tears and hugged each other as they received start-up capital to do small businesses in Mombasa. Six others also received money from lobby group Engage Jamii Initiatives (EJI).

The group helps connect with women, youth and their children throughout their lives. It guides and protects them from the stigma that they are the ‘mothers and families of terrorists’.

The 10 women from Mombasa on Thursday last week received Sh150,000 to start small scale business according to their business plans.

Fatuma Juma founded EJI in 2016 after getting many reports about the suffering women and families whose sons had disappeared.

Lack of jobs is a major factor pushing sons to leave, she said.

“We then started teaching these youth and women how to invest, how to draw up business plans and how they can invest the little funds they get,” Juma said.

She said for mothers whose children have disappeared or are suspected to have joined al Shabaab, the pain is double.

“For Most of them, it is their firstborns who disappear. And you know how mothers and parents are attached to their firstborns. Most in these cases were family’s breadwinners,” Juma said.

Zuwena’s son was the breadwinner and his disappearance placed a heavy burden on her to support his wife and children.

Shamsa Abubakar, who also works with EJI, said there are many such cases but women are afraid to admit their sons have disappeared.

Mothers feel they have nowhere to turn because society and police both blame them for ‘poor parenting’.

“Some women have been divorced because their children have joined al Shabaab and other militant groups,” Abubakar said.

“Their husbands say it is impossible for mothers not to know the whereabouts of their children so they want nothing to do with the mother, child and children,” she said.

However, everyone knows it’s not possible for a mother or both parents to know what their sons are up to, she said.

“That is where the government goes wrong. When they get a case, they come to the family with the conviction that they (the family) know [about radicalisation] and start harassing the whole family,” Abubakar said.

This alienates the community from the police and people with similar cases are afraid to come out for help.

“There is improvement as police now approach these cases differently. They don’t harass grieving families anymore,” Abubakar said.

But community stigma persists and there is no safe place to talk about these cases in Kenya, the EJI officer said, adding they are ‘hunted’ at home and wherever they go.

She said some youths regret their bad decision to cross the border into Somalia and yearn to return home.

“But society does not want to accept such a kid,” she said. “The government hunts them down. It’s a lose-lose situation.”

Zuwena said youths mostly disappear from single-parent homes.

“It’s important for a child to grow up where there is a father figure. Parents also need to have a close relationship with their children,” she said.

She said through EJI, she has been able to take her daughter to a beautician’s school and she now works in Oman.

“I now have a business and I have moved on. I do not cry all the time as before. But every day I pray for the safe return of my son.”

 (Edited by V. Graham)