Recently TV journalist Ben Kitili provoked a backlash when he married Amina Mude. Theirs was a union between a Muslim woman and a non-Muslim. It’s awkward to discuss this subject in the context of Ben’s marriage alone. To be objective, the debate is about Islam and interfaith marriages.
Marriage choice is a human right that is valued in Islam. However, it is one that has been jealously guarded for centuries. This is because the choices one makes eventually affect the family and society. For this reason, most often society gets involved when such choices are made. Matrimony is the epicentre of the family unit, through which morals are grounded.
Muslims, unlike Christians, are a closed society. Closed societies always fear losing something precious and would go to great lengths to protect it. Due to conflicts in majority of their countries, many Muslims have been forced to flee in search of peace and stability elsewhere, in the process losing their identity, values and standards—honesty, chastity, reliability and all things decent.
Muslim women were admired for their moral high ground; the community valued chastity. What was inside the hijab was golden. Virginity in both genders was valued. Some of us were lucky to marry our wives at 24 when they were still virgins. This meant a lot, not only to us, but to the family, community and our offspring. Chastity inevitably protected society from STDs, unwanted pregnancies and babies, street urchins, abortions, come we stay marriages and single motherhood.
Being chaste until marriage protects the union and minimises divorce cases. When a couple abstains from sex before marriage their union tends to last, for they have not tasted the sexual pleasure of others. It appears some closed societies have lowered their standards hence the easy penetration by other traditions. When a Muslim boy or girl no longer cherishes chastity, they cannot complain when a Christian picks up their diamonds. They have cheapened their treasure.
Marriage between a Muslim and non-Muslim is prohibited in Islam, and for good reason. Islam means voluntary ‘Submission’ or ‘Surrender’ to the Will of God. It derives from the root word ‘salam’, meaning peace. Islam is a monotheistic faith. We believe that there is only one God (Allah) and that Muhammad and other prophets are his messengers. Marriage is a religious duty and consequently a moral safeguard and social necessity. There is no come-we-stay in Islam. It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established, and in Islam, a family is an essential unit.
As a father, I wouldn’t like my children to be in the company of those who don’t guard their morals. Islam wants to protect its values, culture and morality, and since marriage is the cornerstone of the family unit, we have to guard it. The general rule of Islam, dictated by God Himself, is that Muslims should marry Muslims.
A Muslim woman is better suited to a Muslim man than a Christian, Hindu or Jew, regardless of their merits. Marriage is not just about fulfilling sexual desires but is an institution. It aims to establish a home on the bases of tranquility, faith and Islamic morals. Thus, the whole family must apply Allah’s path and convey His message (Koran 2:221 ).
A Muslim woman will get the shorter end of the stick if she marries a non-Muslim. As husbands are generally the head of household, it’s not far-fetched to think a non-Muslim husband may prevent his Muslim wife from performing rituals that may seem like a nuisance to him, for example, fasting or even refraining from marital relations during the fast. To protect the sanctity of faith and marriage, Islam prohibits Muslims from actions that may restrict their worship of Allah.
I wonder why Muslims are an easy target for criticism. The Hindus, who are also a closed community, don’t get criticised much, yet over the centuries only a few married non-Hindus.
But then again, it’s the Muslims who are to blame for letting in too much. I don’t care how or what the society thinks of me, but at all costs I must enviously watch over my treasure. For a Muslim, the treasure is our purity and Islam, these are values that we hold dear and must not apologise for standing up for them.
Human behavioural specialist, an International Civil Servant based in Kenya