Years ago I was dating this guy. He was fun, sweet and very, really super available. Honestly I wondered if he had a life before I came along with all my drama and glamour. An hour to kill between meetings? There he was. Afternoon movie? Sure babe I'll meet you there. Sunday brunch? He offered to make waffles. How about a mid-week dinner date? Of course he could make it. It was fun… ish… and then it got tiring.
You see I like people up to a point. Constant conversation, analysis of ideas, lots of affection and quality time? It is all lovely until I want silence and a moment to feel my life without external noise. Seriously this guy had no life, or so it seemed. We of course broke up eventually but because I was so surrounded by him and his energy and noise, even that took too long. It took me longer than it should have to figure out that we wanted different things and just why the whole relationship thing wasn’t going to work.
When someone surrounds you, you don’t have the time to process what is actually happening and perhaps more importantly, how you feel about it and him. Hearing my gut under those circumstances was impossible. I only managed this when he invited me out of town with a few friends and I flaked at the last minute so I could laze around my house doing nothing and finally let my instincts say something.
A few days ago, a woman I had just met asked me what I thought of a very available man she started seeing recently. The guy is significantly younger than she is and a blogger trying to create a career on social media. He comes from money and lives in a family owned apartment. The career is being developed leisurely and the guy seems to have nothing but time on his hands. When she painted their scenario for me, I didn’t think too much about it but as I was driving home, I remembered my ‘Mr Available’.
A new and very available partner can feel amazingly flattering. All that unrelenting attention and focus can dazzle you as you start to enjoy and become the you that your new partner is enjoying so much. As far as seduction goes, few things are as intoxicating as a person who is drunk on your amazingness and cannot seem to put the glass down. It is the stuff whirlwinds are made of. The reflection of the best version of yourself in his eyes will have you posing and walking funny to the mantra ‘I slay!’.
When I see this woman next I am going to tell her to step away from her paramour for about a week so she can figure out how she feels about him, her and them. Because really nobody wants to date a drunk, even if you are his drink of choice.