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September 20, 2018

Valentine, on call: Why do women fake orgasms?

Why do women fake orgasms?
Why do women fake orgasms?

“So, why do women fake orgasms?” wonders a reader.

Well, the real reason why women fake orgasms is because… They can!

I kid because this is such a difficult question and the answers might be as many as there are women on the planet. So here are a few reasons: boring sex… endless sex… a desire to fall asleep… realising that the orgasm is just not going to happen…too much alcohol… exhaustion… to stroke a man’s ego… to leave the house… to get to a task…

There is pressure for women to not only have orgasms, but for them to look like the orgasms we see in pornography – screaming and earth-shattering affairs that wake the neighbours and leave us trembling for minutes afterwards. The truth is they don’t always look like that. Some orgasms are short and intense while others last a long time (10 minutes or more) and continue to hit us like waves. And we never know which one we are going to have.

It takes most women about 20 minutes of foreplay to get to a point where they are ready for intercourse that could lead to orgasm. This readiness is not merely based on lubrication but rather mental relaxation and feeling connected to what is happening. As you can see, there is a lot that stands between a woman and her orgasm.

If you are concerned that your partner might be faking then you should simply ask. Do not accuse her but in conversation outside the bedroom ask your partner if she has ever faked and why she faked. It will be easier for her to say that the fake orgasm happened with someone else. Even if you suspect she is lying, accept her consideration with grace. This conversation will be an opportunity for you to figure out when and why she is most likely to fake it.

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