I am a Sauti Sol fan and when I saw that they had a new single and video I was quick to click on the link on facebook and settle in to be wowed. Well. Wowed I was not. In fact, if I wasn’t writing this article about the song, I don’t think I would have sat through the whole thing. In case you haven’t heard it, the boy(s) is asking a chick named Nerea not to abort his child because he will raise the baby and he believes that God gives each child his/her respective plate upon birth. Those of us in black Africa need not dig deep into our memory bank to think of a time when we were asked to feed, clothe or educate a needy child – a child who was not necessarily unwanted by his or her mother, just poor.
As a listener on Classic 105 said on Monday morning while they were discussing this topic, ‘It is easy for young men to talk about what women should do with pregnancies’. Easy because your posturing will never visit your life as it would a woman’s. You will never be pregnant. You will never have a life growing inside you as you think about whether or not you can raise a decent adult. You will never have to consider termination as something that happens on your person. You might have some skin in the game, i.e. some DNA but let us be clear you could very easily have flushed that ‘skin’ down the toilet in a masturbatory act, or in a condom. Your stakes are simply not the same as those of a woman.
The idea that children come into the world with their needs met by some divine power is ludicrous. Ask me, I sit on the board of a boys’ home and give to various charities regularly. Money is a very small part of what goes into raising a child. In fact studies show that the lack of love, affection, acceptance and a sense of belonging not only hinder a child’s emotional development, but also physical and mental growth. Yes, a lack of love will make a child dumber.
I would urge all would be mothers to consider what they have to offer their children before they consider the male perspective. I do not believe that all men are liars or dead beat dads in the making but as Kikuyus say, ‘utakua nia thiaga ugeni’ which translates to ‘the one who does not die, might go visiting.’ The man you think will father your child might die or go visiting for a very long time. Will you be ready to meet the needs of your child? Will you be willing?
Sauti Sol, it is great that you have a plan for your errant and prolific sperm. It is great that you intend to raise your children and provide for them. Now that you have told the women of Nairobi that, please wear condoms until you are ready to reproduce intentionally? Because isn’t it wiser to prevent the erring of sperm than to negotiate parenting with an unwilling partner?