Raising a child without God, lots of
prayer, the church — and the rod — is anathema to most people in a country overwhelmingly Christian, devout and God-fearing.
That is, if you aim to rear a child to grow up to be a decent person and a contributing member of society.
But that's precisely what Atheists in Kenya (AIK) advocates. In fact, the 200 or so registered members argue that religious parenting is very much the wrong thing to do and can produce children who are narrow-minded, lacking in intellectual curiosity and compassion.
Instead, they say what is needed is rational, humanistic parenting to give your child a chance to be well-adjusted, caring, moral, ethical and responsible.
The fact is, parenting is not about religion at all, it's
about parenting, they say.
This seemingly heretical idea, and quite a few others, were advanced on Saturday in a session on 'Godless Parenting' by Atheists in Kenya. The forum and Q and A at a downtown hotel were
attended by about50 atheists, agnostics, nonconformists, free-thinkers — and deeply religious people. Some were simply curious.
Psychologist and Secretary of Freethinkers Kenya association Brenda Jepkorir
speaks at a Nairobi hotel on the evening of Saturday,September 25 during a meeting of Atheists.PHOTO/COLLINS KWEYU
An IT guy wearing red leather and a crucifix roared up on his motorcycle. "I just like to know what's going on," he said. Asked about his crucifix,he fingered it and said, "It's an ornament."
Many were drawn by the media blitz of fliers, TV and radio interviews and social media. Social media has been abuzz about the topic — seething is a better word — and the trolls were fervently praying it wouldn't happen as they poured out invective.
The moderators aid "no mudslinging" but the conversation was quite civilised and thoughtful.
"If we didn't use a title like 'Godless Parenting' we wouldn't get as much media coverage," admitted Harrison Mumia, president of AIK. He's a communications,marketing, advertising and social media expert at the Central Bank of Kenya.
The organisation is in a court battle to lift the suspension on April 29 of its hard-won registration.The suspension is illegal and unconstitutional, it says. AIK hopes the case (High Court hearing on October 14) will be groundbreaking, as the Constitution says Kenya shall have no state religion.
hThe Bill of Rights guarantees freedom of religion and conscience, speech and association in a secular country, the atheists say.
"We are working to normalise atheism and allow more and more people to set aside religious belief and superstition," Mumia says."We want to create space and community for atheists to interact. We seek to correct the prevailing negative perception about atheist. We
are NOT satanists, devil-worshipers, immoral, etc."
Since they are nonbelievers, they point out they cannot bedevil worshipers because the devil is a religious construct.
Since the suspension, the organisation has become "much more vibrant," Mumia
says.
Chairman of Freethinkers Kenya Association Ssemakula Mukiibi and an Atheist speaks
at a Nairobi hotel on the evening of Saturday,September 25 during a meeting of Atheists.PHOTO/COLLINS KWEYU
One of things it does is organise events, like 'Godless Parenting', which it promotes through Facebook, Twitter, its website and media.
It began with everyone introducing themselves. There were students, IT people, marketers, government workers psychologists, a doctor, HIV-Aids educator, business people, journalists, photographers, workers, an engineer and many more. The demographic is mid-twenties to late-thirties, a few forties. Daisy, a student, came all the way from Nakuru.
They began with a definition. Their website says:
"Simply put, atheism means the absence of theistic belief. That's it. It doesn't mean anything else.
Atheism is not a religion, a philosophy, a worldview or anything similar. It is not the conviction that there are no gods, ghosts, angels, etc."
In addition to Mumia, there were two panelists: Brenda Jepkorir Sharp, a practicing psychologist and educator (Sharp Perceptions) and Ssemakula Mukiibi, an IT and marketing practitioner.
All had deeply religious backgrounds, all are parents.
Absent was celebrity rapper Xtatic (Gloria Macheo), secretary of AIK and a mother who created waves this month in an interview on The Trend about Godless parenting.
"The godless parenting issue has got people's panties in a bunch," she said. "I believe nothing about it (Godless parenting) makes it different from Christian/Muslim parenting because parenting or even morals have nothing to do with the belief of God or even lack of."
Moral values
The term 'atheism' is unnecessary because it focuses on what people are not, not what they are, humanists, free thinkers, caring and involved human beings, they observed.
"When someone says they can lead a good life without God, some people are forced to reexamine themselves, which is uncomfortable. They feel they and their values are under attack and they go on the offensive," Mukiibi said.
Much of Africa considers itself Christian but for all intents and purposes people behave as though God does not exist, he said.
Does religion help us raise morally superior kids?
Definitely not, Mukiibi said. "Religion does a very bad job."
Religions do not allow questioning fundamental beliefs, but morality is a result of interaction, questioning and thinking about what's true, not blind adherence to the Bible or any book, they said.
"The whole God concept is problematic because it limits children, for example, to the story of creation, when they should be questioning," Sharp said. Topics should not be off-limits.
"Religion tells us who we are, why we're here and where we're going," Mumia said."When a child asks who created the moon and stars, the answer is 'God did', no further questions."
"'God' is a lazy explanation that can actually damage a child and kill curiosity but curiosity leads us to a better society," Mukiibi said. Children should be encouraged to question and not be forced to accept a single narrative.
He said he would rather a child asked and learned about different religions and then decided for himself or herself what to believe, or not believe. He noted that he readily joins Christian, Muslim and other friends for religious celebrations, because community is vital.
Atheists are not out to convert anyone, they said.
Participants follow proceedings
at a Nairobi hotel on the evening of Saturday,September 25 during a meeting of Atheists.PHOTO/COLLINS KWEYU
Prayer and punishment
Is it true that family that prays together stays together?
Probably so. But not because they are praying to a deity, the panelists said. Family activities knit the family together. The same can be achieved by regular talks around the dinner table, walks and outings.
Spanking and beating are common and much of the discussion covered punishment and discipline and whether it's true as the Bible says, that to spare the rod is to spoil the child.
The consensus: No. Children and people in general should do the right, moral and ethical thing, not because they are ordered to, not
because they fear a spanking — or because they fear God — but because they have learned through experience and guidance that it is indeed the right and better course.
Mumia said that day he had seen a woman take her son to the police to be punished for stealing money from her handbag. "The child was stepped on and spanked," he said. The purpose was to cause pain
and shame and instill fear. It might be corrective in the short time, but does a child really learn, he asked.
The message of physical punishment is that might makes right and a child will carry that message throughout his or her life, repeating his parents' behaviour, spanking his child, who in turn spanks his child, who in turn spanks his.
"I'd punish that parent," Sharp said. "The problem with spanking is that it's lazy parenting by people who don't know where their child is coming from. Many parents who spank are not self-aware."
Discipline and boundaries are important and parents should teach a child why a certain behaviour is good or bad, she said.
Rational parenting that is neither permissive nor
authoritarian and fear-based produces the best results, Sharp said.
In the audience, Grace, a retired registered nurse, midwife and counsellor, said she came to the event because she was curious. And she stayed long afterward to talk.
"I cannot understand how you can live each day without God," she told the group. "God is the reason I am alive, He gives me hope and meaning, He is my everything. Please don't leave God out of your life."
Later, she said, "I still don't understand, but I try to be open to everyone and listen to what they say. Christians shouldn't just criticise but should listen and be accommodating and work together." Her husband wouldn't approve of her associating with atheists, she said.
Grace said she has all kinds of friends, some are gay — "and I'll always defend them against cruel words."
And now she has atheist friends.