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September 20, 2018

Ask Valentine - Spicing up sex life after giving birth

You have to make time for yourself.Photo/ CREDIT
You have to make time for yourself.Photo/ CREDIT

Valentine, congrats you had a baby like me a few months ago. My issue is my libido has not come back yet and my husband is on my case. Mydaughter is 5 months old, is this normal? What can I do about it?

 

Anonymous

 

 Well I will start by saying congratulations on your baby too. 5 months might seem like a long time to your husband and perhaps it is time to remind him that while he misses you and wants to feel connected to you, it is a very short time. I imagine you are just getting the hang of motherhood, feeds, getting back to work and catering to a very dependent little being.

Having a child takes so much out of a woman. It takes things you do not even know that you have to give. Not only are you still sharing your body with your baby (if you are breastfeeding) but you are at her beck and call. Hungry? Upset? Sleepy? Happy? Playful? It is all you, even if your husband is a great and attentive father.

So back to your sex life. When you are this involved with another person, you barely have anything left for yourself let alone to share with dad. So you have to make an effort to reclaim that. Do you have grand-parents close by? A good nanny you trust? Can you leave the baby for an afternoon? I get that you are overwhelmed but if you do not deal with this, it will get worse. You have to make time for yourself and you have to find some couple time to take care of a

marriage that has to outlast your daughter’s infancy and childhood.

Take a walk round your neighbourhood, go out for an evening coffee and catch up on non-baby related things. It might sound trivial but these little things will help because you will be spending time together.

If you can get back to exercise, or start exercising, I found it made a huge difference in reconnecting me with who I know myself to be.

Doing something that had nothing to do with my son, something purely for me, also felt amazing and it allowed me to start carving out time

with girlfriends, which frankly, is delicious. Your marriage, like parenting, is a marathon. So keep that in mind and do not be too hard on yourself. It will also help to tell your husband everything that you are feeling. This is not the time to be polite. You could also tell him that he needs to step up and help out.

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