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February 21, 2019

He has a crush on someone in his office

Hi Valentine, 

My husband recently confessed that he likes a girl in his office. He said it casually and I didn’t ask him what he meant and not I wish I had.  I imagine that he is about to do something about it. What can I do? I am very angry, how can he tell me that? What did he expect me to do? Anonymous.

  Well anonymous, you have really painted yourself into an angry and jealous corner. Your husband said he likes this girl and you are using his words as a torture device. You are not alone, we have all jumped to conclusions and tortured ourselves with horrendous scenario after horrendous scenario. 

I bet you have thought about him being with her and anytime he has been late since he said this, you have called him repeatedly. Have you checked his phone yet? Are you planning on turning up at the office Christmas party looking amazing but also to scope out and scare the competition? You are living in a little version of hell that you created for yourself.  The good news is that you can get out of it. Ask your husband what he meant. We all develop crushes. Sometimes they are on movie stars and they seem harmless because we will probably never meet this person; but sometimes they are on someone we know. 

Telling your partner takes the excitement out of most crushes because they stop being secret and maybe that is what your husband was doing.  Ask him about it.  I know couples who laugh about this kind of thing. Wives you tell their husbands about cute young boys in their offices and husbands who talk about sales girls with gorgeous legs wearing short skirts to work. This girl could become your inside joke, something that you too laugh at uproariously; or she could become your undoing. Talk to your man. Only he can tell you what he expected you to do and why he thought that telling you would be a good idea.  In the meantime, choose different thoughts. Give thanks for a marriage where your partner feels that he can be this open with you. Choose to occupy your time differently and your jealousy will disappear gradually.  I think what you are calling anger is actually fear of what might happen, and frankly you have no control over that so let it go.  Pole. 


December 1st was World AIDS day and it is a fantastic reminder to get an HIV test. Yes I know it is hardly pleasant and for the few minutes when you are waiting for your results, every questionable sexual encounter you’ve had flashes before your eyes… but get it done. Take care of yourself and those you are sharing pleasure with.  Regardless of your relationship status – married, single and in between – just get it done.

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