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February 22, 2019

My fiance recently developed erectile dysfunction

Greetings Valentine,

I am one of the avid readers of your very sober advice on this column.

Now I need your help. My fiancé and I have been together for about four years and engaged for 17 months. He has recently developed erectile dysfunction. He is only 31 years old. He had been battling depression for about a year but is better now and he has no weight issues. I have finally managed to convince him to see a doctor over the ED but we don’t know where to find one. Please help with a doctor’s contacts? We are based in Nairobi.

Thank you so much.



Congratulations on your engagement Anonymous. You really are an avid reader; you’ve even covered the issues that are typically associated with ED.

One issue that you didn’t mention though is stress, and especially relationship stress. You have been together for almost four years but engaged about a year and a half. Is it possible that the ED started soon after you got engaged? Typically, women get engaged and deliriously happy. Men get happy too but the financial implications of taking on a wife, supporting her and a family, planning for and financing a wedding can all loom rather large. Talking about your plans and the expectations that you have might help to alleviate some of this stress. Highlight the fact that you are a team and he is not in this alone, which is the point of getting married.

Your fiancé was also dealing with depression and while you didn’t mention how he is dealing with it, only that he is better. May I assume that there was some medical intervention? If so, then consider that different medications have an impact on erections, sexual desire and libido. The medication may work wonders in more ways than one.

I am glad that you want to see a doctor and I would suggest a urologist I know named Dr Mburugu. He is one of only 22 in the country and he is based at the Aga Khan Doctor’s Plaza. I suggest you call the hospital or drive over there, find his clinic and say that I recommended you.

So how do you get your man to go? How do you even say that you were discussing his issue with someone, so that that person gave you advice and recommended a doctor? It might be easier to tell him the truth in this case because we do not know each other, he will never sit across from me at a dinner table and know that I know about his sexual issues, and we will probably never meet, so I am a safe space.

Think about it and please let me know how it works out. I would love to know what treatment method works for you guys, how long it took and how you are doing.

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