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November 18, 2018

I am no tranny

Biologically speaking, Bruce was born a female. He talks about the rough road to finding his true identity as a transgender – and about how much he hates the term ‘tranny’.

 

REALLY HATED DRESSES

“At age seven, I sensed that something wasn’t right. I hated the pink dresses and hats my mum used to dress me in. Everyday, dressing was a fight. I know that this is generally normal with kids when they’re stubborn. But my case was different. I really hated dresses. My mum always told me I was weird and would look at me funny.

“In high school, I was accused of being a lesbian. For some reason, girls used to be drawn to me in an unusual way. Some used to write love letters to me. I hated that stuff. I used to tell them off. I was so angry all the time. I was constantly being told that there was something wrong with me; I had no idea what it was.

'TOMBOY' DIDN’T COVER IT

All I knew was it didn’t matter that I was a girl biologically; I didn’t want to dress like one. And I definitely didn’t want to spend time doing house chores when my brothers were playing outside. I also loved to play football and climb trees.

My father used to dismiss it as me being a tomboy. But I always knew there was more to it than that. I just didn’t know what to call it. After high school my dress code completely changed. I shaved off all my hair and bought baggy clothes. I hated myboobs. I was a double ‘D’ cup and it was all there in my face. I hated having my period. It made me feel dirty. I hated everything about me.

EXORCISM

I remember telling my mum I wanted to be a boy. Needless to say, I got a slap in the face and had parties of women praying and casting out ‘demons’ from me and saying that the ‘devil had entered me’. I ran away from home for about four months after high school. I felt like I was going to burst.

I remember going to talk to a friend of mine from high school who seemed like the only one who understood me. She told me that I needed to seek help. But when you are in the heart of rural Kenya, where do you go to for help? Time passed: weeks, months, years… I eventually found out some things through searches on the internet.

TRANSITIONING

I found out that what I was experiencing was normal and was what transgenders faced. It was true, I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body. Fast-forward to a few years ago, Audrey Mbugua came out publicly and I finally felt like I belonged. I am now Bruce and proud.

I have grown to detest the terms people use to refer to transgenders – especially ‘tranny’. I hate the way they use it in movies and TV series. It’s so insensitive. It’s like someone walking up to you and calling you a whore. People need to understand what it is really like to hate your biological self, let alone going through the normal process of self-discovery.

I am now taking male hormones and undergoing counseling. As I transition to the man I always knew I was, I have also joined the transgender support group in Nairobi. My parents still don’t understand my situation, but are trying to. I know it’s not easy for them. But at least we are talking about it.
 

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