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September 24, 2018

Don't want to be a lesbian

 

“I am lesbian and I hate guys. What can I do to stop lesbianism? Please help.” 

 

Hmmm. I would urge you though to cut yourself some slack and approach your sexuality with an attitude of curiosity as opposed to absolutes. All of us, whether gay, straight or in between have to figure out what works for us sexually – and many find that that isn’t set in stone. Some are promiscuous in their youth, but find that this does not work later on; others find that monogamy never works for them; some report that long periods of celibacy work for them from time to time.

You used the word “hate” to describe your feelings for men. And you say you “want to stop lesbianism”. How about asking why you feel this way about men? You might be completely disinterested in having sex with them, but that does not mean you hate them. By definition, heterosexual women are disinterested in having sex with women, but they do not hate other women. Do you see what I mean? Why the hate for men? Have they hurt you in some way? Are you afraid of them?

Also why do you want to stop lesbianism? Do you think it is wrong in some way? Also, when you say “stop”, what do you mean: to stop being attracted to women or to stop engaging with them sexually? You can always choose celibacy and find other ways to express yourself sexually if you are sure that you do not want to have sex with women.

Be kind and patient with yourself as you figure all this out. Try to view the process of self-discovery as an adventure. After all, none of us comes with a manual, and we are all fumbling our way through the maze of life.

Your email is too short for me to get a good idea of what is actually going on with you. But there seems to be some self-loathing in the background, and some negativity towards sexual expression in general.

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