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February 20, 2019

My older partner thinks I’m sexually naive

Happy New Year Valentine,

I am dating an older woman and I think she wishes I was more sexually experienced. Our gap is only seven years but she is always suggesting new things to try and I fear I am disappointing her. What can I try?



Well, hello 2015 Arnold. New year, new woman and I love that you said it is ‘only seven years between you’. Several times a year I have women asking me if they can date a guy who is a few years younger than they are, and you said ‘only seven years’, ha!

I am among several women who have dated younger men and I will confess that one of the things you settle in for is teaching new things in the bedroom. Younger men are generally more enthusiastic, more eager to learn and your equipment works more efficiently so you last longer and recover quicker for round two. Younger people also tend to be less set in their sexual ways. In case you are trying to read between the lines, I am saying that what you lack in experience, you more than make up for in youth, naiveté and vigor. Relax and enjoy.

Your more mature lover is happy to have a younger man who is keen to experiment and learn new tricks so ask her to teach you more.




Something half hilarious and half tragic happens when I go out to parties: at some point I get up to go the bathroom and a woman will stop me to tell me that she is not getting enough sex and she is wondering if I know what she can do about it. Are you that girl? Are you happy to see the end of the dry spell you called 2014 and herald in a more freaky 2015? Here are some tips on getting more sex:

1. Lower your standards — there is a big difference between the standards for recreational sex and those for a potential husband. Broad shouldered, beautiful skin, tall and can-keep-a-secret might be high on your list for recreation; but when it comes to the father of your children, intellect, integrity and a kind heart might be more important.

2. Go out more — meeting new people and flirting with new people will make you feel sexier and more attractive and also increase your chances of meeting your recreational sex partner.

3. Be honest — start with being honest with yourself and then being honest with your potential partner. If you only want sex once a week, then have that and no more.

4. Do not date your plaything — sex is probably the most ‘connecting’ thing we do so you have to manage it well otherwise you will end up in an orgasm-induced sex haze that you may mislabel as love. So no lazy Sundays in bed, hand holding and kissing at the movies or having him join your gym.

5. Be open and responsible, recreation is supposed to be fun, not reckless or life-threatening, so condoms please.

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