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January 17, 2019

My high libido forced my wife to dump me

Hi dear, it is so good to write to you. I have a problem. My marriage crumbled down because of it. I have a very unique taste for sex. I love sex but my wife could not take it on a daily basis so she packed up and left. She left me two boys who I live with. My problem is I don't know if I will ever find a woman who has a high libido to match mine. And mind you I don't want to repeat the same old mistake. What should I do? Please help me before I die of thinking. I really need your help. Thank you and have a nice time.



Thanks a lot for your email William and I am sorry to hear about your marriage. I will say though that for a woman to walk out of her home and leave two young boys behind, your appetite must be voracious to say the least and possibly punitive to say a little more.

Are you sure that it was just a difference in libido that caused a rift in your relationship?

I don't know you so I might be completely off the mark here and if so I apologise; but our culture promotes the idea that women's bodies belong to their husbands once dowry is paid. There are many Africans who believe that if a man wants sex then his wife is obliged to provide it. This belief is so entrenched that marital rape does not even exist in Kenyan law. If your high sexual appetite was presented to your wife as a daily chore she had to fulfill on regardless of her feelings, you can see why she left.

Several candid conversations with women and a lot of research has confirmed to me that once a woman is in a committed relationship with a man who respects her, her body and her choices, she will do just about anything to please him and make him happy. Our libido shoots through the roof when we feel sexually desired and honoured. If we are with a man we trust, we let our emotional guard down and are sexually vulnerable.

Nobody is libidinous throughout life. Sexual desire does not live at one point on the scale, rather it varies for many different reasons. When we are succeeding in life it tends to leap up, when we are physically fit, during times of war or even death, when we have a new partner we are excited about... sex drive varies.

Perhaps instead of looking for a partner with what appears to be high libido, you should aspire to create an environment where your woman feels cherished and desired. One in which she can initiate sex and talk to you about it. One in which you are understanding when her desire wanes after childbirth, and climbs back up when she gets her figure back. One in which she does not feel like a sexual object.

In your next relationship, let the woman set the sexual pace and see what happens. I think you will be pleasantly surprised, and once she is comfortable, you can start to express yourself and show your high sexual appetite.

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