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January 23, 2019

The risks of unprotected sex for women

Valentine, I have been with my girlfriend for a few months and we are still using condoms. I want to stop but she has refused. How can I convince her?


Well Edward, congratulations on your intelligent and well protected new girlfriend. Before I answer your question, let me confess my own bias on this issue – I think women should only have unprotected sex with their husbands. Let me explain:

I stopped having unprotected sex when I realised that there is very little in it for me as a woman. Condoms make a huge difference in a man’s experience of sex but the same is not true for women. What we enjoy about intercourse still happens with a condom on – the size of the penis, and the pressure and friction from it as it pushes in and out of us. For men, condoms compromise the texture of the vagina, moisture and even the friction, so sex is vastly different with one on.

Women risk so much with unprotected sex:

  • Every single sexually transmitted infection is more effectively transmitted from male to female. This means that women are more at risk for infection. STIs impact our fertility as even easily curable infections like gonorrhoea and chlamydia can scar our fallopian tubes. Viral infections like HPV and HIV are with us for life and have more dire consequences.

  • We can get pregnant with the child of a man who may run away and bear zero responsibility. And even if we can have an abortion, most of us would have a very hard time forgiving ourselves for that decision.

These risks bear consequences that may change our lives permanently. You Edward, are a boyfriend at this stage. You are not a husband. As much as you may like this woman, and you are having a great time getting to know each other, and the sex is fun and the cuddling is delicious…will you be around permanently if for example, she gets pregnant? Would she be a great mother to your child? Do you trust her to take contraceptive pills responsibly to prevent pregnancy? Are you sure you want to expose yourself to infection if she is the manga-mangaing type?

It has only been a few months, how about we keep the condoms on until we know each other better? Or a stronger commitment has been made? When people get married, they become one flesh. The connotations of this phrase are not merely sexual, they include an expectation that your partner will be there suffering and celebrating whatever comes your way. Yes unprotected sex will feel amazing for you, but most of the consequences will not feel great for your girlfriend. I imagine that this is why you are having such a hard time convincing her. As you can see, the risks to her far outweigh the benefits. If you eventually get married and you are building a life together, then your enjoyment of your mutual sex life will be of paramount importance to her and she will consider your feelings.

I think you should wait Edward.


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