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February 18, 2019

My fiancee is HIV positive

Hi Valentine,

 I am in love with a lady and we plan to get married but we recently got tested and she is HIV positive. I don’t want to break off my engagement and her heart. I love her so much. Please help?


 I am so sorry HW. That is awful news. There is no right or wrong answer here; instead there is what you can live with and what you want out of life.

 Marriage as you know is a lifelong commitment. It is possible to be happily married to an HIV positive woman and with the right medication, nutrition and exercise she can have children and might even outlive you.

There is of course the issue of having protected sex for the rest of your life, and then the expense of ARVs and whatever other medications your fiancé might need.

 I cannot tell you who to marry and what to choose to live with. I can however say that great relationships and real compatibility with another human being are hard to find.

There is obviously a lot that is special about this woman, which is why you fell in love and are having such a tough time making this choice.

When we make marriage vows, we say in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer and we typically do not know what that sickness or the poorer might look like. In your case, you do and HIV is not a terminal illness. I have a sneaky suspicion that you will marry this woman HW and I wish you both all the happiness that you desire.


 Valentine, how do I get my wife to start wearing lingerie? Everything is fine with us but I wish she would do this for me. When I ask, she does it once then she won’t do it again until I ask again.


 Well Eric, it’s great that you know what you want and are not afraid to ask for it. I hear you though; you do not want to feel like a nag. You have made your desires clear and you wish they would be met without too much effort on your part.

 I wonder though what is going on with your wife. Is she shy? Has she had children and no longer thinks that she is attractive? Or she simply exhausted after long days at work, coming home and supervising dinner so that when the family goes to bed lingerie is that last thing on her mind?

 You could start by asking this questions and then helping her with what needs doing around the house. Maybe you can put the kids to bed and allow her some time to switch gears from ‘mummy’ to ‘sex kitten’?

 Also the next time she does put the lingerie on, you must make a big deal about it. Tell her how gorgeous she looks and that you feel like the luckiest man alive to see this side of her.

For the few days following the lingerie wearing, you must send her texts filled with gratitude and even more praise. You could also buy her lingerie as a gift Eric. And stop sulking, take an active role in creating what you want.

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