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November 21, 2018

Talk Dirty to Me

Valentine, I am dating an older woman and she wants me to ‘talk dirty’ in bed.  I don’t know where to start.  What do I say?

Eric


What?! Eric?  You have tickled me.  Talking dirty can be so embarrassing.  There you are in the moment, doing your thing and then you have to think of something clever to say… eeek!  I completely understand why you are tongue tied.

The good news is nobody expects you to say anything particularly eloquent.  Think of this as a game where you are both already winners because orgasm is imminent and that might take some of the pressure off.  Now try these pointers to start:

  • Have a naughty Q&A – ask your partner questions like ‘do you like that?’; ‘do you like when I touch you like this?’.  Sorry, this is a family paper so I can’t get too graphic, but you get the gist of it.
  • Order her around – there is a reason women the world over were so turned on by the book 50 Shades of Grey, the man is very bossy.
  • Compliment her body, especially the parts that you know she is proud of.  The way she dresses will let you know what parts she thinks are attractive – hip hugging jeans to show off her curves?  Low cut tops to show off her cleavage? Belts to highlight her waist?
  • Ask her to participate that way you will see where she thinks the boundaries lie.  There is a thin line between dirty and profane and crossing it might ruin the mood.
  • This one might be hard but you can describe how what she is doing to you feels to you… does it turn you on?  What does it make you want to do to her?

Good luck Eric.  Couples who can let loose like this is report more satisfaction with their sex life so your woman is onto something good.  Just relax and enjoy, it’s ne’er that serious!!

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Hi Valentine,

I love your work on #AskValentine.  I am 27 and my girlfriend of two months is 24.  Her breasts are sagging.  Does it mean she has had a spoilt life before?

Regards,

PK

Well PK, that is a new one! What is a spoilt life and why would it lead to sagging breasts?  The truth is breasts sag.  If we are lucky they start off perky with nipples that face the sun; and when they do sag due to gravity and age, they don’t fall too far and the nipples face forward.  By spoilt life, do you mean that your girlfriend might have a child that she is not telling you about?  Breastfeeding does not always lead to sagging breasts.

I have to ask, do you watch a lot of porn?  A lot of the breasts you see on screen are surgically enhanced so you might have a distorted idea of what breasts should look like.  Big perky breasts that defy gravity do not occur frequently in nature.  I suggest that you focus on the other areas of your girlfriend’s body that you find attractive.  I am sure she is doing the same with you because let’s face it, nobody is perfect.

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