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September 21, 2018

I want to find love my own way

I want to find love my own way
I want to find love my own way

I am grappling with something that you will probably find amusing, especially given my advanced age. Love and romance do not happen as they do in the movies. Sure go ahead and laugh… I am laughing at myself too.

So the other day, I was hanging out with a friend at her house and I was sitting on her kitchen counter as she cooked. We were discussing relationships, getting into them and out of them and she pointed out that this is what I want: I want to meet a hot man aged 30-37 who is smart, passionate and has a strong spiritual side. He should pursue me unreservedly, fall in love with me, propose and want to start a family. Oh did I mention I want this all to fall into place in about eight months? C’mon, Valentine is in a hurry! I have an empire to create.

Are you still laughing? Yeah you have fun, the ludicrousness of my fantasy has walked away with my funny bone.

The truth is, if this guy walked into my life right now, this hot, funny, smart man of my dreams, and tried to establish this fantasy, I would be quite skeptical. Because really, we are adults and any adult man who is so available and willing to get derailed by me that fast would be setting off all manner of alarm bells. I am not cynical, I would just like to get to know the guy for a while before I tie my life and DNA to his.

Does it sound like there are two parts of me that have never met? I promise you, you have them too. It’s all those princess movies we watched when we were little. The creative licence that Hollywood writers use to have people meet, date, fall in love and marry within 90 entertaining and emotionally moving minutes. It is also the advice you get from single girlfriends who selfishly do not want to deal with you getting into a relationship and what that would mean in their lives.

So now what? Now I settle into exploratory and fun dating for a long time, instead of looking for a love story that reads effortlessly like the script of a 90-minute rom-com. At this rate, I might get married at 40 and you know what, that is fine. In his Valentine’s Weekly column this week, Lucas Marang’a says business owners can be co-creators with God. I have just realised that I am a co-creator with God in my romantic life and we do not have to follow some staid Hollywood formula. We are funkier than that.

This realisation is very freeing and terrifying at the same time. The beaten path does have its creature comforts, but blazing my own trail? Finding parts of me that I have never visited, letting go of wishes and fantasies that were placed there by an over-zealous media when I wasn’t paying attention? That is truly exciting.

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