Valentine, last week you talked about a cheating wife and I understand. My husband refuses to try new things. It has been four years and we have two children. At first I thought it was my weight that made me boring but I have joined the gym and I look good. I find him lazy in bed and it is frustrating. I want to cheat. What do we do?
Catherine, I am sorry. Feeling like you are solely responsible for the sexual part of your marriage can be disheartening and lonely.
To top it off, getting fit has increased your libido and I imagine your gym has a few hotties who aren’t wearing too much. Girl, I feel you. Sex is play and communication, a chance to share your body with the man you love, to express love, affection, adoration and it means orgasms.
Of course you want more of it, of course you miss it. Of course you hate to repeat the same routine over and over again and of course you hate doing all the work.
When your partner does not seem enthusiastic it can feel like a comment on how attractive and desirable you are. And us women we have to be desired.
So what to do? Sorry Catherine but you are going to continue doing more work. You didn’t say that your husband has stopped wanting sex, only that he is lazy and unimaginative.
Maybe he is just that guy. Accept that he is lazy and unimaginative and you get creative. You cannot under any circumstances tell him that you think he is under-performing, that will humiliate him.
Do not ask him to try new things, rather just try them. Is it a blind-fold you want to try? Just tie a scarf around his eyes and ask him to go with the flow.
Sex in new places? Initiate. You did not say whether or not you want him to initiate all these things but you cannot expect him to read your mind.
Being vulnerable, initiating new forms of intimacy, it is hard and he might simply need to know that you will not reject his attempts. Surprise him in the middle of one of your boring sessions and I think that will shift the dynamic a little.
Please remember that if he is lazy and unwilling to try new things, he may never be the guy who reads 50 Shades of Grey and decides he wants to re-enact every scene.
Because he loves you, he may try three new things in a year, and really put his back into it on your birthday and anniversary but that might be it.
Your role in this marriage might be the wild, playful one that constantly surprises her man… there is nothing wrong with that, embrace it, read about it [even watch some videos] and literally shock the pants off that man.