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February 17, 2019

Such a huge 'ego'

Hi Valentine,

I have a wonderful new boyfriend but his penis is too big and when we have sex, it hurts.  What can we do?


Congratulations!!!  It seems like you’ve struck gold.  I think it was Mae West, a feisty American actress, who famously said, ‘A hard man is good to find’ and Rahab yours happens to be good too, well done.

Believe it or not, this is a fairly common complaint, and I think it’s that people aren’t using enough lubricant because most men’s penises fall within the six inch mark.  First you have to tell this man what is going on for you and as you know, men are particularly sensitive about their penis size so be smart about how you tell him.  I’d sing it to him, just like Beyonce did in the song Ego; then I’d say that I want to try a few new things because I’m in pain.  There are some people who think that good sex is supposed to hurt but that isn’t true.  Some people like a side of pain with their pleasure but even they have limits to how much pain they can take.

You need to be very turned on and well lubricated to avoid injury.  Sex injuries occur if you are dry and the friction causes little tears in your vaginal wall.  This and hard thrusting against your cervix (the hard bottom end of your uterus) are what cause pain.  There are also certain positions that allow for deeper thrusting and these will have you in pain - doggy style and typical man-on-top with your knees on your shoulders are two examples. 

I suggest that you try a lot of foreplay to make sure that your body is ready for penetration.  If you have an orgasm before he ever gets inside, even better.  Also, have some lubricant handy.  Then get on top and control the depth and speed of penetration.  Alternatively you could try a variation of doggy style with you on your stomach with a pillow or two underneath you; if this still hurts, try closing your legs.  With missionary, if you close your legs once your man is inside you, he won’t be able to get too deep, but will still enjoy friction from your thighs.

Your vagina will eventually get used to the size of your man’s penis and stretch to accommodate him.  So have no fear Rahab, sex with this man it will not always hurt.


I went out for drinks with a few guys the other day and I got that men really like looking at us women.  Yes we know this, it is the reason they stop mid-sentence when a beautiful woman walks by, and it is the reason strip clubs are so popular.  Perhaps you have the guts to put on an entire strip tease for your man like Kim Basinger in that old movie 9 ½ weeks.  If, like the rest of us you are a little shy, you could simply let him watch you get dressed.  Get out of the shower, drop your towel and let him see you lotion yourself and slowly put on your clothes for the day.  It will leave him with a nice visual, and to top it off you can kiss him for a good three minutes then send him off to work.  He will have flashbacks all day.

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