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January 22, 2019

At my wits' end

Valentine, my husband does not want me anymore. We have been together for eight years and we have two children, aged five and three. I lost the baby weight and in fact other men find me very attractive and they ask me out. I have tried everything... Lingerie, sexier clothes, I cook for him, I even cut my hair but nothing. We barely talk. What can I do? You are my last resort.


Oh wow Yvonne, talk back out pressure! It sounds to me like you feel lonely and abandoned in you your marriage. It also sounds to me like your problems are marital, rather than sexual. It also sounds like you are trying to fix your communication issues with sex. You are very brave: putting on lingerie, cooking, cutting your hair, getting rejected by the man you love and still trying again? It shows that you are very committed to your marriage and family.

I do not think you can 'fix' your issues with a thong or by putting on a sexy show. There is a reason your husband barely speaks to you and you did not tell me enough about yourselves to suss it out. I suggest that you go for counseling. Initially I would urge you to go by yourself. You will learn more about who you are and where 'you' come from i.e. where your beliefs come from, what you value most in relationships, and even why you think that sex can fix your relationship issues. Please start at the Amani Counseling Centre and Training Institute

I wish you all the best Yvonne. Your courage and commitment to your marriage and family are inspiring.



Sasa Valentine,

My chick told me I don't know how to kiss? What do I do?


Hahaha Gideon, how hurtful and hilarious!!! Pole sana. Ok you do not have to keep your tongue to yourself, and you didn't say that she dumped dumped you and called you a bad kisser so you still have a training ground, albeit a judgemental one.

Ask your girlfriend how she wants to be kissed. Are you using too much tongue? Are you biting her lips? Ask her to demonstrate what she calls 'a good kiss' and go from there. What she said is harsh, but Gideon, it is a blessing, you might have gone through life getting dumped and having no clue why it happened. Kudos to your girlfriend for her candor, and you for your willingness to learn and improve your kissing game. Smooches!!


Last Saturday's tragedy left all of us feeling vulnerable and if you have yet to start a family, this attack may have highlighted your desire to create one. Either way, next month is all about conception - how to make it easier, what works and what doesn't, banishing rumors surrounding fertility etc.

If you have questions or would simply like to share your story, please email me [email protected] I will be collaborating with fertility expert, Dr. Wanjiru Ndegwa through out October.

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