DOUBLE STANDARDS

Are ‘home wreckers’ to blame for men straying?

Some have been called professional home wreckers by netizens

In Summary

• Society is quicker to judge a 'mpango wa kando' than it is to judge a straying man

When politician Karen Nyamu revealed Mugithi star Samidoh as her baby daddy, Kenyans vilified her for having a child with a man who had been married for 11 years.

A follower on her Instagram called hadassahnjagzz, wrote, "The truth is you’ll remain a mistress woman! Don’t think he will leave his wife and marry you and by the way, take care of your child!"

The term “home wrecker” was also bandied about when woman representative Cate Waruguru was confirmed as trader Peter Waweru's spouse of choice as he divorces his wife of 10 years.

A home wrecker is a person blamed for the break-up of a marriage or long-term relationship, especially as a result of having an affair with one of the partners.

Waweru's wife Zipporah Njoki said, "He told me I have to either accept Waruguru to be the second wife or I leave that house. And I declined and he left completely."

Jamal Rohosafi's wife said in a recent interview that she came to learn through social media that socialite Amber Ray was her co-wife.

"It is hard for me and as a mother, you would feel the same. It has never been easy for me and it will never be easy."

These and other examples beg the question of whether the other woman is really to blame or it is the men who took a vow to be faithful to their wives.

Silvano Ngacha, a father and a social entrepreneur, told Star Sasa home wreckers are not to blame for men straying.

Silvano is a strong believer in love and marriage and currently working as an IT manager in one of the companies in Kenya.

"A mpango wa kando is not a custodian or caretaker of the existing marriage. Society should accept the fact that it's the cheating partner who should protect the marriage," he said.

"Also, the process of becoming a 'legal' second wife is a process and not an event. So, the side chicks are in the process of transforming from a friend, side chick, baby mama ... and eventually a second wife."

A woman is judged wrongly when they either become a side chick or a second wife because women have the power to resist a man but men cannot resist women
Anne wa Muratha

Marriage counsellor Anne wa Muratha says society has been fed that a woman is always the one responsible for breaking a marriage or building. She told the Star men were created to be attracted by what they see.

"When a woman leaves her marriage, most of the time people tend to turn against her, reminding her of the saying a wise woman builds her home," she said.

She added that the reason a woman is usually to blame is since our African cultures still expect women to persevere in marriages however bad they are.

"A woman is judged wrongly when they either become a side chick or a second wife because women have the power to resist a man but men cannot resist women," she said.

"For one, a man who is interested in you can decide to follow you till their death, but if a woman decides to have any man, it is hard for the man to resist."

She said women are their own enemies and some just come to destroy a peaceful marriage.

"If you look at most men who have money, they are also targeted by single women since the ladies already know the men will not resist."

This story first appeared on the digital magazine Star Sasa, accessible on Sundays for Sh10 by dialling *550*3#