• Women require stable partners who can take care of them and lead them well
It is now common for younger women to go for already established married men.
Most of them go for rich or even popular men. In the past few years, we have had cases and admissions from some who say they either dated or are still in relationship with married men.
A recent case is when politician and lawyer Karen Nyamu said that in her early 20s, she dated a married man.
Her experience, though, was not good, as there were insecurities and obsessiveness, and the politician also turned out to be violent. Karen is also alleged to be dating singer Samidoh, who is already married, though she has denied it.
Speaking to Sasa Digital, Dr Njagi Kumantha, a psychiatrist, said it is not a new thing as even in his young days, there was the issue of sugar daddies and sugar mummies.
"A good example is when freedom fighter Wambui Otieno made headlines for marrying Mbugua, who was a young man then," he said.
Dr Njagi said the main issue is monetary as most young men who are of their ages are either poor or are not man enough to provide for them well.
"Women mature faster in terms of growth, and a boy who is 25 years will not be mature enough to date or marry a woman of the same age."
He says women require stable people, who can take care of them and lead them well.
"Women will look for already established men who are like their father, and they make sure they are wired to someone who is a provider. And only a few men of their age are providers as most of them are out here drinking and partying."
Dr Njagi adds that a man who is five years older than a woman is her agemate, and so women will go for men who are 10 years older than them.
"Men also prefer younger women for biology reasons. They look ahead and see that at 50 years, they can comfortably enjoy their sex life with women who are in their 30s," he said.
Another factor is that the bringing up of a child is very demanding and in most cases, it calls for a woman to stop working.
"During the maternity period, the man should be providing, and so if he is not stable, the woman will suffer. Some girls prefer even quitting careers to raise a child and, therefore, their life partners should be providing."
Are mistresses supposed to be blamed for breaking marriages?
"The idea of the provision is not greedy or being a homewrecker or prostitution, but trying to secure themselves," Njagi said.
"Women are competitive and jealous, and so when they see a comfortable woman, to them this is the right man since he will also make them comfortable." He adds that polygamy in some parts of the country is the order of the day.
"So mitresses don't mind playing the role of being the second wife, only that sometimes later in life, things change when the first woman rejects her totally and they become enemies," he says.
"If the first wife accepts her and she takes the position of a mistress, then there will be no confrontation. The wrecking of the marriage comes in when the first wife tries to protect the man, thinking the mistress is coming to destroy the marriage, but they only want to be added among the number."
Why do mistresses hide?
"The African man, because of the religious factor of one-man one-woman, they know the first wife will not accept for them to get another woman, and so they will not show or bring their mistress to you."
Edited by T Jalio