DIARY OF A PERPETUAL BACHELOR

Casanova confronted by three pregnant women

Bachelor told to pay child support willingly or be dragged to court

In Summary

• Poor bachelor had slept with each one of them within the last year

A man and three baby mamas
A man and three baby mamas
Image: SHUTTERSTOCK

Diary,

Today I nearly had a heart attack after three very pregnant women showed up at my door. What’s more, I had slept with each one of them within the last one year.

“What are you all doing here?” I asked, playing stupid while shaking in my boots.

“What do you think, genius?” asked Michelle, who appeared to be the ringleader. I’d been out on several dates with her and I’d come to believe we rode the same wavelength when it came to commitment — or lack thereof, to be honest. She barged past me into the house, followed by her lieges.

“You can’t just violate my personal space like that,” I protest.

Jenny pointed at her protruding belly button. “You really wanna talk about violating personal space?”

I knew the birds would come home to roost, I just didn’t expect them this soon. I pulled Michelle aside. “How do you all know each other, anyway?”

“Like the dating life of Dr. Tom Aquinas is a big secret?” quipped Muthoni, looking ready to pop any moment. “All we wanna know is if you’re gonna pay child support willingly, or if we’ll have to drag you to court for it.”

“We’re friends, Tom,” explained Michelle, “and friends tell friends when bastards mess with them.”

I looked at each woman in turn. They were either all glowing with their pregnancies, or I was horny as hell. It’s easy to confuse the two. “Okay, let’s do it.”

To a person, they looked flabbergasted. “You’re okay with it?” asked Michelle.

“Yes, and I’m not just gonna pay child support. I’ll marry all of you. The constitution now allows us what, six wives, right?”

Jenny screwed her forehead. “But you… how… you can’t be this nice. You were supposed to…”

Michelle shakes her head, pulls the fake baby bump from under her clothes. “How did you know?”

“That you were pulling a prank?” I put an arm around Muthoni’s shoulders. “You wanna tell them, dear, or should I?”

Muthoni had been my patient when we first met, and I personally tied her fallopian tubes. I guess they weren’t all that good friends after all.

Edited by T Jalio

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