MODERN MUM: To make kids self-reliant, foster it from a young age

It’s clearly a cultural divide because where we come from, a three-year-old barely does anything for themselves. We bathe them, feed them, co-sleep and treat them like the babies they are. A child in Africa or Asia of the Middle East will be celebrated if they can tie their own shoes by early years of age.

Meanwhile, Europeans have a desperate desire to teach their kids to be independent as soon as they are out of the womb. And they believe that their way is the right way. As such, I have had to adjust my parenting style to match their requirements solely for the purpose of hoping that my child survives school without problems. 

My husband and I have begun making our son take off his own clothes before bath time. We try to let him put on his clothes after bath, with a lot of direction and exasperation from our end. We encourage him to put on his own shoes or to take them off on his own when going out or coming home. Even if it means we will leave the house much later than anticipated.

I am not the most patient person, and standing there huffing while I wait for my child to begrudgingly do something on his own or sometimes watch him as he vehemently refuses to do so tears the last of my patience to shreds. I would rather just  do it. My time is valuable, I have a hundred other things going on, and I just don’t have the time to wait around.

Moreover, I know that the independence the school is desperate to see will come on its own time. Just like adolescence or adult teeth come in when they are ready, so will a child’s independence. My baby has less than six months of babyness before we fully embrace the preschool years. And I, for one, am not in a hurry to see my child growing up too fast.

Alas! My wants and hopes are unimportant in this case, and I have no option but to play along with the demands of the current society. Not for them but for my child, who has to — for the foreseeable future — fit into said society.