They say many writers have a god complex. They are not entirely wrong. When I wrote my book, I expected to ‘save’ women. I know, very presumptuous and a tad bit arrogant.
I have however learnt a thing or six about women from the conversations I have had with women about my book.
One, women think dangling sex for months means something. That the prize that keeps giving is the sex you finally give him after three months or a year of knowing you. Making him wait will not only show that you are a good woman but it will keep him because he waited for it.
I do not even know if I should tell you or just leave you alone. You do know that a vagina is not unique to you right? And that if sex is what a man wants, he will get it and come back and get it from you after your 90 days and move on if that is what he wants.
A woman was going through something with her man. He liked all the women and her friend asked her if she waited 90 days before giving him sex. Yawa Janet, the man is promiscuous. Your friend's vagina cannot cure him with one dose after 90 days.
Two, women really give themselves too much credit. They still think they can keep a man by how they keep house and all their good manners and if they could just get skinny enough. They are now even paying bills to cover their man because a good woman blah blah that or this.
I wish you could go to some parts of Nairobi on Fridays and find big cars that cost more than all the houses in that estate put together. You are busy laying the table with matching china and babe on this side is feeding him in mismatched plastic plates straight from the sufuria on the paraffin stove. There are no portions that can make a man stay where you can find him, maybe poison.
Three, older women are part of the problem. Someone said if you went through something and you want others to go through it because you came out a better person, you in fact are not a better person. You know the type of hurt you went through in marriage and you think you should just pass it on? On top of that, you are a nasty wench you take glory in minimising the younger women’s experiences. Do better.
Four, we are mostly delusional when it comes to relationships. This woman gets married to a man. She is more ambitious, he is content with simplicity. She decides to ‘show’ him by taking their kids to more expensive schools, which he obviously cannot afford, and buying expensive clothes. She constantly compares him to the neighbour and thinks she will shame him into action. Listen, ladies, we must learn to accept or reject what is in front of us. No amount of nagging and shaming will change an adult.
Five, we think being good and nice are feminine traits. We have the ‘pick me’ attitude. I am not noisy, I do not have an opinion, hell, I am not even sure if my brain works. I will put my feelings and needs second to everyone. My dear, there is nothing cute about victimhood. Anyone (fellow women included) who is threatened by your opinions, by your voice, or by your passion is a waste of your time.
Six, women need men, they do not want them. Someone (I don't know who) told us that we need men to live. Being needy makes us desperate, conniving, and manipulative. Many years ago in my parents' living room, I picked up a book, Love must be tough by James Dobson.
I do not remember the story he gave word for word but I remember he talked about a bird. No matter how much you loved the bird, you could not hold it tight in your hand. The tighter you held on to the bird, the harder it would become for the bird to breathe, and eventually, you would kill it. If you love the bird, open the cage, and let it fly.
By the way, if you have ever caught a bird and you opened the cage, the damn thing rarely came back. And that is maybe because the bird did not want to be there, and we must respect that. I want you, I do not need you. Sure I would love it if you are here, but I will not die if you left.
