- It doesn’t matter what you’ve done for your significant other all year if you fail to remember this one day.
- You could buy her a plot of land and build her dream house, but if you forget a thousand-shillings worth of soon-to-be-dead flowers, you’re the most unromantic sod in the universe.
Now that Valentine’s shenanigans are over, it feels a little safer to dig a bit into the origin of the day that made me travel all the way to Kericho in search of red roses, red outfits and a bottle of something called Belaire Luxe, a champagne that goes for 5 grand, and tastes very much like regular muratina.
One popular theory connects Valentine’s Day to a Christian martyr named Saint Valentine. The Catholic Church recognises several saints named Valentine, but the most commonly mentioned is a priest in Rome during the third century.
Legend has it that Valentine defied the Roman Emperor Claudius II, who had prohibited marriages for young men, believing that single men made better soldiers. Valentine continued to marry young couples in secret. When discovered, he was imprisoned and eventually executed on February 14. Ouch! Kind of makes Valentine’s Day Good Friday for lovers. Get it?
Some historians link Valentine’s Day to the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, which took place in mid-February, a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, and Romulus and Remus, the legendary founders of Rome.
During Lupercalia, young men would draw names of young women from a jar, and they would be paired for the duration of the festival, often leading to marriages. I wish this was the tradition to this day – drawing straws instead of working your skin raw all year to convince Monicah to be your Valentine, only for her to end up with Kevo on February 15 because you’re now broke.
But the connection between Valentine's Day and romantic love gained popularity in the High Middle Ages. Geoffrey Chaucer, the English poet, wrote a poem in the 14th century titled Parliament of Fowls, associating the day with the mating of birds and the celebration of love. And of course, we all agree it had to be a man who looked at cocks jumping hens and thought, “We could appropriate this into the human culture.”
Over the centuries, Valentine's Day transformed into a day focused on expressing love and affection. By the 18th century, it became common for people to exchange handwritten notes and small tokens of affection on one day of the year, in complete disregard of the other 364. I mean, some of us men don’t even remember that women like flowers until a supermarket takes out a national ad reminding us to remember our loved ones by treating them to discounts at their outlets.
And that’s nothing new. The commercialisation of Valentine’s Day, with the mass production of cards and the exchange of gifts, gained momentum in the 19th century. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done for your significant other all year if you fail to remember this one day. You could buy her a plot of land and build her dream house, but if you forget a thousand-shillings worth of soon-to-be-dead flowers, you’re the most unromantic sod in the universe.
I remember one woman who said, “I’d rather get a packet of maize flour than a bunch of inedible flowers.” I believe come judgment day, that woman will suffer a similar fate to the biblical Eve. You remember her, right? Apparently, she’s the reason women lose a tonne of blood once every month and get moody.
If you don’t believe me, try reasoning with your paramour next time.
“Sophie,” I said to my love, “I’ve loved you since the first day I laid eyes on you and I’ve done everything in my power to show how much you mean to me. What’s one day compared to—”
“If you don’t get me flowers and wine,” she said, “you’re dead to me.”