• The week after Valentine's Day is an optimal time to review strained ties
I have only just discovered that there's an entire tradition of days commemorated after Valentine's Day.
Someone, or perhaps even a committee, decided February 14 was not the end of the affair, as it were.
In fact, it would seem it was the same people who came up with the anti-Valentines Day business, whom I have written about in these pages before.
According to the After Valentine's page (seriously, it's a thing), "Valentine's Day is celebrated throughout the globe on February 14th of every year. On this day, many people would get into a new relationship. But it's not same for everyone."
"Some may not be able to convince their love, and few others might break up from the relationship. For such people, anti-Valentine weeks are observed after Valentine’s Day. This week is especially for people who are depressed and feeling miserable after a bad break-up," the website says.
February 15 is “Slap Day”. You'll be glad to learn that like Boxing Day, Slap Day has nothing to do with physical violence.
The anti-Valentine's folk say: "If you realise that you have chosen a wrong life partner, then here is the day for you. Slap Day means not to slap the person who hurt your feelings, but to slap out all the feelings and memories of the person and move forward towards life."
So, for instance, if you are a President and you realise after your election to a second term of office that your running mate was not "The One" after all, you embrace or shake the hands of another. By so doing, you hope your current deputy will get the hint and beat it.
February 16 is called "Kick Day". Again, no violence here, just advice for that President or even his deputy that it is "better to stay alone than to fit into an unhappy and fragile relationship."
The anti-Valentine's people suggest: "Make a strong decision, break up and get rid of the bad companion. Just kick out the relationship."
February 17 is "Perfume Day". This is when both the President and his estranged deputy decide to see if they can salvage anything from their unhappy coupling.
The advice is: "Get a good scented perfume, which your partner loves. Both of you try the perfume and get close to each other. Talk out and try to rectify the problems."
February 18 is "Flirting Day". They say this is the day when the people who break up begin to look around for a new love.
Sometimes they look at old loves, or in this case, former running mates and others they may have taken a passing fancy to.
February 19 is "Confession Day". This is a tough one for Presidents and their unwanted deputies who insist on staying on.
The anti-Valentine's experts say, however, "True confessions will create openness in the relationship."
So just say you are sick and tired of the other and have been looking for a replacement.
February 20th is Missing Day. The day when despite all the hurt and bad feeling you've caused each other, you take a few seconds to remember the good times.
Like when you wore matching outfits and stood side by side to announce your first cabinet.
Or even when you invited your erstwhile electoral opponents to State House and were photographed enjoying a laugh, little knowing that both would side with one in the eventual break-up.
Finally, there's Break-up Day. When the long-suffering Deputy President finally sees that "love is not always a happiness, and that it is time to break a bad relationship and lead your life more happily".
However, I would warn those looking to hook up with the newly split couple to beware that their new love could go exactly the same way.
Follow me on Twitter @MwangiGithahu for useless relationship tips
Edited by T Jalio