BACHELOR’S DIARY: A farewell for the ages

Helga Annadóttir is leaving.

If you don’t know who Helga is, lucky you. I wouldn’t wish her on my worst enemy.

She’s an Icelandic woman who had called me and asked me out on a date. When we met, I was stunned at how tall and how beautiful she was. Our date went well until the next day, when she was introduced at work as my new boss.

Not willing to date my boss, I wanted to end things, but she didn’t. I ended it anyway, and she made working a living hell. Eventually, she latched on to another sucker and let me be. Although we aren’t together anymore, I savour the news that she’s finally going back to Iceland and won’t be my boss anymore.

“You must be happy,” she said at the door to my office.

“About what?” I said, feigning ignorance.

She stepped in and took the patient’s chair across from me. “Don’t play coy with me. I made your life difficult being here.”

“You knew it? Does that mean you did it deliberately?”

“I genuinely liked you, you know. I wanted things to work.”

“It wasn’t you.”

“I know. You’re a sworn bachelor, or so I hear.”

I smiled and raised a hand. “Guilty as charged. Sorry about that. I should’ve told you that from the onset.”

She waved it off. “Nonsense. It was my mistake. I got stuck in too early.” She stood up. “No hard feelings?”

“Absolutely not. Where to from here?”

She paused at the door, hugging the frame so seductively I feel my hormones stirring. “My dream job. I get to head a brand-new hospital in my hometown. Maybe you should come visit someday. I swear not to jump you.”

We both laughed.

“Maybe I will,” I said. “And maybe I won’t mind being jumped.”

We laugh some more.

About to leave, she hesitates and peeks in. “Say what, my flight’s tomorrow at 11 in the evening. Why not come over for one last… drink? I’m staying in a hotel at the airport.”

It sounded harmless enough. The idea of making love to Helga one last time, especially knowing that she was on her way out of the country, was too enticing to give up.

“You know what? I just might take you up on that.”

“Great. It’s a date.” She grinned sheepishly. “No, it’s not. Don’t freak out on me, bachelor man.”

I couldn’t wait to see her one last time. In another universe, under different circumstances, Helga and I would’ve made a fine couple. But that might only be my libido talking.

The following evening, I showed up at the hotel at 8.30. I knew she had to check in two hours before her flight and I didn’t want to spend more than a half hour with her lest she changed her mind and cancelled her plans. I asked for her room number at the reception, then rode the lift three floors up. Room No. 319.

I knocked on the door and waited. No answer. I tried again. On the third attempt, Helga opened the door, dressed in a crisp blue work suit and looking ready to travel. Not the get-up I expected to see her in.

“Come in, Tom,” she said with a bright smile.

I entered the room to find four other men who looked as bamboozled as I was. Only Helga still wore a smile.

“I’d promised them a five-some,” she said, laughing. She rolled her suitcase towards the door. “I’m getting late for my flight. Have a lovely five-some, boys.”