Diary,
The other day, my friend Azizi, who also happens to be single like me, announced a great find.
“Guess what I discovered,” he said.
Azizi is a tech nerd and has the mildly annoying habit of announcing tech stuff none of his other friends can get.
During the Covid era, he attempted to convince us that Bluetooth masks were the future. They allowed people to take calls, listen to music and stay safe from infection, and shipped at 10,000 a pop. Yikes!
“Someone has finally invented a working time machine?” I asked this time, feigning enthusiasm.
“That’s nothing, bro. We already know how to go to the future. I’m talking about something close to home. I just realised there are Singles Clubs here in Nairobi.”
I’d heard about such a thing but it made no sense to me. It baffled me the same way I’m baffled when people say that sugar makes kids hyper or that carrots give you night vision. Or even worse, the belief that everyone has a soulmate.
“What do people do there?” I ask him.
“Lots of stuff. Let me see… There’s structured speed dating, mixers and hobby-based activities, like hiking or book clubs.”
“I’ll get to the speed dating later. About these hobbies, why would I want to socialise with anyone because we share only one thing in common?”
He looked surprised. “What do you mean? You, me and Lucas always hang together and we’re all single, don’t we?”
“Yes, but that’s because we’re friends first. We didn’t like each other because we don’t go for long-term relationships. Besides, you’re always talking about how you want to get married if you meet the right girl. We won’t stop being friends, will we?”
“I hope not. So, what’s it about speed dating you wanted to say?”
I laughed. “Don’t you see it? It’s such a stupid concept. A bunch of single people form a club where they can meet and hook up so they will no longer be single. It’s like opening a restaurant and selling bad meat so people can become vegetarian. What happens after all the singles get attached? The club dies. Then what?”
Azizi moped. “I kind of liked the idea.”
“Yes, Azizi. That’s because speed dating cuts out the idea of having to go out there and approach a girl by yourself.”
He laughed. “You’re right. That did appeal to me.”
“Look, man, I know you’ll meet a nice girl who will want to settle down and be Mrs Azizi. You’ll still be our friend, but you’ll have to endure us talking down on marriage.
“You see how Enoch, our married friend, gets frustrated with us at time, but who does he come to when the going gets tough? Us, the miserable bitter souls who can’t even make a date last one whole night.
“But meeting other miserable bitter souls who’ve lucked out on relationships and trying to turn one of them is like thinking that prayer and seminars can convert gay people.”
Eventually, Azizi decided to join a Singles Club. I can’t wait to hear all about his experiences.
