PERPETUAL BACHELOR: Double check before proposing

There is such a thing as double checking. If you’re a civil engineer, you wouldn’t just build a bridge and hope it works. Same for an accountant or a data analyst.

As doctors, we double check our findings all the time. Otherwise, you might try to remove a brain tumour from the guy who came in for an appendicectomy.

The same can be said of relationships. Different people arrive at different stages of affection at different times. Ever told someone, “I love you”, only for him or her to say, “Thank you”? And don’t get me started on the “long-term” stage, which I have sworn to avoid at all costs.

I was reminded of this very thing the other day. I was at a restaurant having dinner with a very pretty lady. In the middle of convincing her that it is unnatural for a man to be tied to one woman for life, she brought something to my attention.

“You know,” she said, “I thought you bringing me to this restaurant was quite romantic.”

“Thank you,” I said, a tad sad she was changing topics.

“But… it seems it could get even more romantic.”

Hoping she was alluding to candles and wine later at my place, I said, “What do you have in mind?”

“Not me. Look.” She pointed to a table at the corner.

The wait staff was busy arranging flowers and candles in what appeared to be the makings of a very romantic dinner.

A young man in a dapper suit was in charge of every nuance of the preparations.

“Wow!” my date mused. “The gentleman seems to have pulled all the stops, doesn’t he?”

I was beginning to feel a little intimidated. “Pfft! You may call him a gentleman now, but…”

She turned to me with a disapproving look. “But what? You think he’ll morph into a monster later?”

“People will do anything to get laid, you know.”

Her face grew darker. “Is that what you’re doing? Am I here only because you intend to—”

“Of course, not, dear. I was speaking about other men. Dude’s still young. Priorities change with age, you know.”

She was about to say something when the young man pulled the head waiter close to our table and spoke in low tones. “When she comes in, bring her over to the table. I’ll have her believe it’s just a simple dinner. When we order dessert, I want you to bring this out in a covered platter.” He handed the waiter a small black box. “Got it?”

“Oh my God!” my date gasped. “He’s going to propose. It’s so romantic.”

Fearing the unfolding events might ruin my evening, I proposed we eat fast and give the man and his date some space.

“No,” she said firmly. “I want to see this to the end.”

So, we sat there, over-chewing our food.

Long story short, things went on as planned. The girl came, gasped delightedly at the amorous set-up, played the shy date throughout the dinner, and finally the dessert was delivered.

The man took a ring out of the box, got on one knee and asked the girl to marry him.

The girl stood up, looking quite shocked.

“Please, say something,” the young man prompted.

“Here’s something,” said the girl. “No way in hell would I marry you, Steve.”

And she stormed out of the restaurant.

“Can we go now?” I asked my date.

“No.” She stood up. “Someone needs to console that poor man.”

And that’s how I went home alone.