I think I am a heathen, and I am okay with it

Last year, I wrote about how I hadn’t been to church in a very long time.

So when the new year began, I said that at least, I would try and do something about that.

I would, first of all, look for a good church near where I lived, preferably a lively church with many young people, then I would be a regular.

I did find a church. Catholic. My parents were so proud.

I went for almost a month straight. Practically every Sunday in January.

I felt so good. I was finally making right with my Creator.

When February came, however, the feeling sort of faded away.

I can’t say why. The feeling just simply vanished, and I haven’t gone to church since.

Okay, I haven’t gone as religiously as I had been going before.

If I count the days I went to church in February, they probably won’t even get to two.

In March I went once. You can probably guess how many times I set foot in church in April and now in May.

I’ll give you a hint, it starts with a Z and ends with an O.

So, I think it is safe to say that I am a heathen now.

I never thought I would get to a point where I feel like I am a heathen.

Does it feel like I have a sense of impending doom following me around? Especially every Sunday, when I abuse the gift of free will to say no to church yet again?

Nope. Not at all.

Well, from time to time, it does.

Over the Easter holidays, I called my folks back home for a nice chat.

I had missed them and I wanted to know how they were doing and what they were planning to do for Easter and so forth.

Easter for Christians carries the same weight as Christmas does, so it’s almost customary that it be celebrated with almost the same intensity.

Anyway, so I called them up and all was well.

They were a bit bummed that I would not be making the trip home for Easter as I always do, but otherwise, all was well.

“Don’t forget to go to church on Easter Sunday, okay?” My mum shouted from across the room on their end of the phone.

“Uumm, I hope I can make it,” I said.

“What do you mean you hope you can make it? Either you make it or you don’t,” my dad said.

I think he also quoted a Bible verse about how you can either be hot or cold but not lukewarm for the Lord.

By that time, they had started giving me a proper lecture, and it came with a twist of guilt.

If you know the verse, you can let me know which one it is.

For now, I am okay with being a heathen.

I figure that since my conscience is still very strong and capable of keeping me up at night, then maybe it will find a way to take me back to church.

Meanwhile, I'm starting my preparations early this week, getting my spirit ready to either go to church or spend the rest of the day wondering if I am going to burn in hell for missing it.