A friend of mine once wrote an article on feminism. In one of the paragraphs, she said if someone asks you whether you are a feminist, ask them what they understand by that. Roasting, too, is one of those things where everyone might have their own definition of the subject, which makes it important to be on the same page.
For starters, we are not talking of a barbeque or anything along those lines. Roasting is generally the act of throwing jabs at someone, usually along the lines of their character, appearance or habits. Often, this is usually done by a group of people, with the jabs being thrown at one person. It may happen in person or online spaces.
Urban Dictionary, an online slang dictionary, defines roasting as, “To humorously mock or humiliate someone with a well-timed joke, diss or comeback.” A second definition says, “Being tactfully mean without being mean-spirited in poking fun at someone.” The common denominator in this is that there’s an element of teasing or meanness in making a ‘joke’.
Factions of young people tend to hold the notion that roasting is a love language. That their friends are not their friends if they do not roast each other. That dark humour is a thing that should be embraced. The proponents of this narrative believe that the ‘roasts’ (insults) should not be taken personally, and that only ‘softies’ get offended or take things personally. But what is discernible from this roasting culture is that it often turns ugly. The insults can get personal, with each insult going lower. Sometimes people cry, and in other cases, it can result in fist fights.
Since roasting is something that involves making fun of people, their appearances, walking style or way of talking, it is only natural that one will not take such sentiments kindly. It has nothing to do with being a ‘softie’ or a ‘hardcore’. It is natural human behaviour. And while many of those hurtful sentiments are christened ‘jokes’, most of them are things people find to be true but just never say. So they use this ‘heaven-sent’ opportunity to speak out their hearts.
If we are to look at Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, we are told love is patient and kind. It does not envy or dishonour others, is not self-seeking and always protects. Roasting fails on all those tests. So I wonder why those who believe roasting is a love language think that such a toxic habit displays love.
I find it a habit that causes psychological torture to people and which can hurt their self-esteem. If you think your friend(s) do things they could do better in, I think it is better to correct them with love. In kindness. Help them understand your point of view. But making fun of people’s appearances and habits and other things about them they may not change is, in my view, not an expression of love. It’s a romanticisation of toxicity in a manner that normalises such a terrible trait.
