This is the year of change or so you have declared. It is the year you are finally going to eat healthy and keep fit, let go of toxic friends, save more or make bigger investments, find love or settle down – THIS IS THE YEAR.
Aren’t you in the first blank pages of the next 358 days and you are determined that you shall get it right this time round? But isn’t it also true that that is what you said last year and the year before that? It has therefore come to be, as a humorous quote put it, that “the goal for 2016 is to achieve the goals of 2015 which you would have done in 2014 as you had promised in 2013 and planned in 2012”.
A study done by John Norcross of The University of Scranton showed 77 per cent of those who had made resolutions were able to keep them continuously but only for a week. And a follow-up research showed a drop to 71 per cent for one and two weeks.
What that essentially means is that barely 64 per cent of people are able to sustain their resolutions past the month of January. And to think of how we all start the year with so much hope, intoxicated in the fumes of the ‘new year new you’ potion.
Why is it then that most of us are unable to stick to the commitments made at the start of the New Year? Why is it that we often seem to quietly slip back into our old routines as the year progresses?
Here are some of the areas in which we sometimes go wrong. And perhaps as many therapists will tell you, the first real step to change usually is identifying and admitting there is a problem.
Vague goals beget vague resolutions
If your resolution list reads like: “I want to lose weight", or "I want to eat healthy" or "I want to save money" or "I want to buy a house" then you do have a problem. And the problem is you are not specific. Take for example, you lost one kilo this week – that was probably water weight because you were bloated – would you say you were successful? I doubt it. You have to be specific. For example, I want to lose 10 kilos over the next three months and try to maintain at this range of weight thereafter.
In that way, you have a specific goal you are able to measure and keep track of. The value of measurement is not only in weight-related goals; it works as a tool of assessment and a guide as well. If you want to buy a house, surely you don’t want just any property, you probably want a three-bedroom house with certain features
in a certain neighbourhood. That way, you are able to narrow down your search and plan accordingly.
I spoke to Dr Anne Obondo, a clinical psychiatrist at the School of Medicine, University of Nairobi. She told me our minds work best when we have a target to hit. “Once you have a focus point, you are able to plan and work with that in mind. This not only gives a sense of order but makes it easier to work towards a certain goal.”
Being too hard on yourself
Let’s face it – we are not perfect. We all face moments of weakness, make mistakes, have good and bad days. Therefore, you can’t expect that once you decide to make a change or set your eyes on a certain goal, it shall be smooth sailing all the way. Let me put it in more practical terms – you have decided to stop taking sugar and sugary foods such as confectionery, desserts and soft drinks. Then one day you find yourself ordering a slice of chocolate fudge cake and devouring it before your brain has a chance to say otherwise. But you spend the rest of the day beating yourself down for your lack of self-control. Or it could be as simple as not losing extra two kilos to your target or not getting that promotion.
It really isn’t that serious especially if you are putting an effort. You are allowed to have cheat days or moments in your health plan because healthy living is a journey. You are allowed to struggle. And sometimes it’s simply not your fault that your boss decided there would be no promotions this year.
You cannot, therefore, let such moments define your outcome. The problem is more often than not that most people focus on the negative and thus get distracted from their goal altogether. You cannot give up because of a mere setback.
The overambitious trap
It is not just the year of change but it is the year to change it all. That rarely turns out well. Not only are you going to give up smoking, you will be hitting the gym four times a day to lose 30 kilos, limit the amount of carbohydrates you take, get a new job, buy a new car and move to a new house. And you shall enroll for a PhD. While you were making that list you might as well have added, "achieve a balance in climate changes, bring about world peace and explore Mars".
You have to be aware there are limits to how much one person can do at one time. This is particularly true when it comes to change where our bodies often try to resist.
Be realistic
The difference between this and the overambitious trap is that as opposed to the latter – where Rome wasn’t built in a day and which calls for a person to pace themselves – here you are expected to simply use common sense. What if someone told you they expect to lose 20 kilos in two days? You would ask them for the name of their plastic surgeon, wouldn’t you? Because surely they are not going to exercise or starve away in two days and achieve that magical result.
You have to analyse the factors working for you and those working against you, or simply look into your situation: What are the chances you are going to buy property worth Sh400 million when you earn Sh20,000 a month? Not even with a bank loan can you afford that. Well, if you know of a bank that can lend that much to someone earning that little, kindly send me the name of the bank and the banker’s name.
The contemplation phase
Researchers have found that goals achieved successfully often begin before the first of January, and this is due to the inclusion of a ‘contemplation phase’. This is the period where you actually analyse what needs to change, what’s attainable and then plan a realistic path.
It’s not to say you can’t just wake up in the New Year and set goals – you can, but you simply have to have a plan.
The three C’s
Bringing about a change whether in your own personal life or to the masses is often a challenge – let no one tell you otherwise. It is, therefore, essential to be committed to the cause. And that is usually driven by a sense of consequence. I know that sounds ominous but it’s actually about motivation.
Why do you think we are often told to write down our resolutions? Why do you think we are asked to share said goals?
It is harder to quit that way. Once you share you tend to feel accountable or sometimes you simply don’t want to lose face.
What’s more if you add a reward system or tangible consequence – you have a driving force. Think about it, what if someone gave you Sh30,000 for every two kilos lost?
Resolutions without action is dead
This should be obvious, but as a former culprit, you can’t say you want to make changes and not do anything to change and expect results. You must get up, get out and get moving.
After all, this could actually be the year of change, especially if you are reading this.
In case you are wondering why weight seemed to feature as a common example, it’s simply because statistics show that fitness is the top resolution made.