Of all the ups and downs of love affairs, breaking up with someone has got to be in the top five of the most emotionally charged. Whether it’s a messy ending or a mutual decision, ending things usually means that a significant part of your life changes and someone will get hurt. There will be no more cute good morning texts, no expectations (none that are justified anyway), and you’re no longer answerable to anyone in that way.
If you had been dating a selfish, no good, sad excuse of a man, there is nothing more satisfying than kicking his rear end to the curb. It feels so good to really let him have it and in the most humiliating way. But what if the guy you’re dating is a sweetheart who’s never done you wrong? You would be crazy to leave him, right? Well, maybe not that crazy. Even though a guy may be sweet, respectful, caring and loyal to you, it might get to a point where he just doesn’t ‘do it’ for you anymore. You have grown to care deeply about him but not in the same way he does about you. It’s like you’ve been dating someone who should really be a platonic friend. Sure the honeymoon phase is expected to fade after some years of marriage, but surely not when you’re still dating.
If you’ve been trying to convince yourself that you’re still attracted to him and that you’re lucky to have him, you don’t really see a future with him and you’ve pictured breaking up with him many, many times, then it’s possible that the relationship really is over. Eventually, it’s only fair that you let him know your feelings changed, if indeed they have. Hanging in there is doing injustice to the both of you. You’ll be pretending that you are in love with him and he will believe that you are. Keeping up a sham like that is rarely successful.
One of the most difficult breakups ever has got to be with someone who is completely innocent. The game plan you choose for breaking up with him needs to be well thought out, lest you end up adding insult to injury.
Think it through first
So you feel like there is no more passion or excitement in the relationship. You stopped getting butterflies in your stomach and you can’t even remember the last time you quivered when he touched you. But remember, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. A nice guy might seem boring until you find yourself with a lady killer. Please realise that drama is overrated. Leaving him because he is too nice is not really a valid reason. Take some time to sort your feelings out before you make a mistake you could end up regretting.
Do it in person
Make sure the place you choose is quiet and private. He deserves to get a face-to-face explanation of why you’re leaving him, and in a space where he can pull himself together if he needs to. It would probably be easier for you to do it over a phone call or text, to spare yourself from feeling guilty when you see how much you’ve hurt him, but this is incredibly selfish and cowardly really. It makes it look like you don’t have respect for him or for the relationship you had. So if you’re really going to go through with it, be prepared to be the bad guy.
Make it a clean break
Keep your explanation brief and to the point. Beating around the bush might make you lose your train of thought and make your reasoning unclear. You might even lose the guts to end it. When the conversation is over and you’ve said your piece, make it clear that the matter is closed. You will not be talking about it later and there is no chance of a future relationship. It will sting but he will respect you more for it in the long-term. Keeping things open-ended will only drag this breakup that is already so hard for him.
Do not promise a future friendship
In trying to comfort the guy after you’ve done a serious number on his ego, you might pull the stunt of putting him in the ‘friend zone’. This just injures his ego even more. It also gives him false hope about a possibility of you two getting back together. As much as you’d like to remain friends with this really nice guy, give it some time to happen naturally. Breaking his heart then immediately proposing a friendship could make it blur the reality that the relationship is over and things could easily go back to the way they were.
Give a concrete explanation
He probably won’t see it coming so be prepared for a lot of questions. Be very sure about why exactly you’re breaking up with him. Have one story and stick to it. You don’t want to risk being pulled back into a relationship you clearly shouldn’t be in so must make sure that your reasoning is solid. Be sensitive when giving him your reasons, considering that he is more attached to you than you are to him.
Avoid faking excuses
Tell him the truth, not necessarily the whole truth, but nothing but the truth. You don’t want to sit there and tell him to his face that he’s boring and you feel nothing for him anymore. In a situation like this, lying your way out of a relationship will almost certainly blow up in your face. He will ask you a question, and you will lie some more. Do this a few more times and even you’ll be lost in the conversation. You don’t have to be brutal in your honesty. Perhaps you could let him know that you’re the one with the problem, not him.
Don’t let him hear it from someone else
Ideally, the guy should be the first or among the first to know. You might talk to a friend or two about your plans, just to make sure you’re making the right decision. Maybe you’d like to practice your breakup speech before you deliver it. Just be careful who you choose as your audience. If they’re the chatty kind, your man could hear about the breakup from someone else. He would end up feeling more devastated and humiliated and you’ll be all the more guilty for it.
