Have you ever seen a butterfly fall in and get trapped in water. Maybe it fell in thinking it could have a sip to quench its thirst but now it is nearly drowning. Her beautiful wings are wet and they are weighing her down. She fights hard.
She is not a fighter but she thinks she will die. So her survival instincts kick in. I can imagine that maybe she begs, she cries. She pleads. She finally gets free and falls to the side of the water.
Her beautiful wings are still wet. They hold her down. Actually, they are stuck to the surface. She is exhausted. Looking back she tries to figure out how she fell in the water. She knows better than to let her wings become wet.
Slowly by slowly, her wings begin to dry. She peels them off the ground and starts to walk around. Trying to remember who she was, how she moved. She stretches her wings. She cannot fly yet. She is still tired.
She never goes back to the water to ask it why. She never stops drinking though because she will die of thirst. She just learns another lesson.
Fellow Kenyans I have been going through character development and let me tell you Maina, I am now a motivational speaker yo! Last week I wrote about accepting to be left and trying to figure out your next move without trying to involve another person’s unhappiness. I still stand by that.
I also want to add a few other things. One of which is do not allow yourself to be hardened, to get cold, to miss out on what could be next. The fear is real, but fear should not stand in the way of finding your person. Take your time though. (You are never too old, so do not feel pressurised)
The popular coping mechanism is to become mean. To have the ‘men/or women ain’t s***’ attitude. It is of course easier at the beginning to be this way. The only problem is you will continue to attract negativity in your life.
One of the hardest things to do is sit in the mess and try to figure it out. Sit in it and feel it without alcohol or sex (rebound) or sometimes even without food. Feel it yani. Hear everything that was said, some that you chose to block (as a coping mechanism), see yourself in it, see how you also contributed. Feel the shame and humiliation. Really ride it until there is nothing else to feel.
Last week I had a conversation with a cardiologist and he said to me that there is a correlation between what happens to your heart (when you say your heart is broken) and your heart (the one that pumps blood) and it then manifests physically. There is need to deal with the brokenness before it manifests or there is a real risk of dying of a broken heart.
Finally. Everyone wants you to feel better. They say all the nice things because they care about you, obviously. “You did not mean it. He did not mean it. He was upset, you were frustrated. Give it time”. I am of the school that hope is not a strategy. In as much as these words are good to hear because they give you hope, both of you either want to fix it or not.
Jay Z said something interesting in one of his interviews. The reason some people leave is that they cannot watch the pain they caused the other person. Sometimes time will not heal anything. Maybe they cannot stand to see the pain they put you through and it is easier to never talk to you again. This you must accept.
And then after, your wings will dry and you will remember how to fly. You will still drink water, but you will know how to fold your wings so they do not get wet.
