Reclaim the lost art of seduction

I give my opinion from where I sit, this happens to be from a woman’s point. I guess you have figured out by now that it is because I am a woman. I am not judgemental as I have often been accused.

Ok, truth be told I judge some people. The only people I judge are those who say Joel Osteen is their favourite author and the people who will say they love Rumba and when you ask which artists and or songs are their favourites, they only know the song Mario by Franco Luambo Makiadi. If you fall in these two categories, I am judging you whether you are a man or a woman.

A couple of years back someone set me up on a blind date. She was convinced she had found the man for me. In her words “You will have to do a little panel beating, but he is good otherwise.” She gave the man my number and he immediately started sending photos of himself. Dressed, do not panic. Just too many photos. Of him eating, in traffic, in his office, etc.

We met for lunch not too long after. A good sign, I thought. It was a Saturday afternoon, and the man came in a full bright coloured suit. He even had a pocket square wajameni. We had a good lunch, he had chosen a good restaurant. He spoke of himself in the third person but I was not going to be bothered because I had already been warned of panel beating issues.

After he paid for lunch he said to me, “Let us look for somewhere quiet to go and rest”. If you are from where I am from you know this is direct translation from vernacular which implies that we should look for somewhere to get intimate.

I did not know this fellow from a can of paint. We had just met after a few days of him mostly sending pictures of himself, but he somehow thought I was turned on enough to want to ‘rest’ with him.

A friend was telling us the other day how during a work retreat, his female boss called him up to her room to ‘pick’ something. When he got there she was stark naked. He said he did not wait to find out if she had lost her clothes and maybe needed help finding them, he turned and ran out like he had seen a ghost.

Who told some people that you can seduce someone by just being naked? It is disturbing. Unless it is transactional where the buyer wants to see the wares involved. You cannot seduce a man or woman into bed with your nakedness. This also goes for the men who like sending penis photos the minute you start chatting on WhatsApp. You are disgusting, you flipping perverts.

What happened to the courtship dance? When it all started with eye contact then a shy smile. Sometimes even pretending to like something they liked so you could have something to engage them in. The first innocent texts that led you to the not so innocent texts. The meetings with subtle physical contact. The blushing, the compliments, the excitement of possibilities that brought out your creative side? The conversations that made your face hot and ears ring.

Even if you are there for the one-night things, there must be some tact surely. Have a conversation, buy a drink or ask the DJ to dedicate a song to them. I know we are in a microwave time, where we would like everything to be ready in two minutes, but not everything works like that.

If you do not master the art of seduction, you will not manage negotiations, sales or marketing, I promise you. But this is my opinion. Just look at great salesmen, they can make you buy things and you think it is a good idea. Your idea. They captivate your imagination and seduce you into buying into an idea or a product. It is an art. It takes time.

This school of “when are you giving me those things?” needs to be lined up and shot. What is the matter with you seriously? Do you respect yourselves?

Let us be responsible with sex and how we ask for it. If you are just looking for release, there are sex workers, sex toys and your hands. Do not go round making sex yuck for people yawa, you are an adult.

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