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PARENTING

Being a bad father is your choice

Children are not stupid. They understand and see more than we realise.

In Summary
  • Marriage is tough work, parenting even more so. When the marriage is not working, parenting is that much harder. Especially for the parent who chooses the children.
  • When a woman chooses to ‘cover’ the man, she is not protecting the man, she will do so to protect the children.

The other day people came out to applaud their mothers for never talking ill of their fathers when things were not right in their marriages. It was really nice to see clueless children who probably had never been married write down words that their mothers would probably never read. Had they known, they would probably have done much more than 140 characters.

Marriage is tough work, parenting even more so. When the marriage is not working, parenting is that much harder. Especially for the parent who chooses the children. In most cases, the mother. Unless she dies, only very special fathers would choose the children, and not choosing the children to take to your mother in the village. I mean actually parenting.

Someone described it well, it is like jumping off an aeroplane with kids who do not know how to use a parachute so you must help them use the parachute and when it’s time to pull yours out you have already hit the ground, but you cannot die because you have to cook dinner and go to work tomorrow.

When a woman chooses to ‘cover’ the man, she is not protecting the man, she will do so to protect the children. It has everything to do with being a good mother. It does not always go as planned, especially if you are dealing with a deranged man. There are some men out here hell-bent on messing up everything, in the name of hitting back at his ex. But society would rather you die than let children see their father for who he is.

Someone said women these days don't persevere like our mothers did. Most of our fathers at least knew to put a roof over our heads, knew that we had to go to school and eat. That would make even I stay. But the current breed of men, most (do not start shouting that I hate men), these days will not even know the price of milk but expect milk in their tea every morning.

Children are not stupid. They understand and see more than we realise. They are such good sensors it does not matter what you do to try and dress the pig sorry, their father in a dress. They see through everything. So one day when the child is not interested, it is always easier to blame the present parent for turning the child against the absent parent.

Another ignorant post. ‘A toxic mother is the same as an absentee father.’

I sometimes really wonder about people. A woman will choose her children. Statistics say women-led households are poorer than male-led or two-income households. Her children will watch her struggle to feed them, they will often go without even basic needs, they will watch her be bullied (I do not know why people pick on single mothers—everyone, from the plumber to the neighbours) and a host of other injustices. Of course that child is in a toxic environment. The child’s mother is ALSO in a toxic environment. While the absentee father has the luxury to do what he wants and be compared to a struggling single mother.

Yes single mothers are angrier. They might look like they do not care about their children’s fathers. Maybe they do not. But this is with the help of those baba watoto. It was easier for a woman to even still be friends with her ex because there were certain fundamentals in place.

If he truly cares about his children, it is easy to cover a few (because they will be very few) transgressions. But if he wants to be himself, then you cannot hide it. The children will see it,

Someone said women these days cannot persevere like our mothers did. Most of our fathers at least knew to put a roof over our heads, knew that we had to go to school and eat something. That would make even I stay. But the current breed of men, most (do not start shouting that I hate men), these days will not even know the price of milk but expect milk in their tea every morning. As if he married a cow.

You can only protect a man as much as he respects himself. If he truly cares about his children, it is easy to cover a few (because they will be very few) transgressions. But if he wants to be himself, then you cannot hide it. The children will see it, no one has to speak ill of anyone even though the woman will be blamed.

A man was called in the dead of night that his son was having a serious asthma attack. He did not answer. A text was sent. Still went unanswered. Money was borrowed. Other people were involved. His son went to hospital. That was the last asthma attack.

A year later, said man calls at 4am that he has brought an inhaler, can it be picked from the gate? The son goes and picks the inhaler and goes back to bed. In the morning they notice the inhaler has expired. The son asks his mother if his father is well. This is a true story guys. Then one day they will say she told her son his father is mad.

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