Small sis, don’t waste your body

I am used to receiving ‘hate’ mail. Maybe I should say ‘hate male’. Most of it comes from men. But last week’s mail, most of it, had a surprising twist. It was still hate mail but loosely supported by Bible verses. Another misguided fellow even decided after the abuse to make some roadside declarations in the name of one thing or another.

I am just wondering, are you trying to scare me from thinking or saying what I think? Because I know a few verses I can throw around if this turns you on. Listen, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then go figure! Duck off with your Stockholm syndrome self.

I was having what started off as a polite drink a few Sundays ago when someone at our table started complaining about some young girl who managed to drink alcohol worth Sh16,000 on their first date. Before I could open my mouth to laugh, another one started to share how they had to help a friend put together some money to settle a bill of almost Sh50,000 because this fellow had taken his girl for a birthday drink but she had appeared with a bunch of friends, who had imbibed a few bottles, broken some glasses and thrown up. 

It stopped being funny when he said the guy’s bill was only Sh1,000 out of the almost rent, sorry, Sh50,000 alcohol bill. Funny thing is the men at the table kept shaking their heads, apparently because these were all too familiar experiences.

First off, good for the men who are busy chasing girls as young as their daughters but small sis, you are the one suffering the most. Money can be lost and made over again. You only have one body. Why are you drinking so much at such a young age? Do you still want to have a kidney in 10 years? Do you want children at some point? I mean, what quality of life are you looking at in a few years?

I asked an older gentleman why he would go out with a girl as young as his own children. Apparently girls do anything to get big pockets and keep them open. You let him stick it in all the holes in your body. You will try anything. You pop pills like groundnuts and are so full of chemicals to keep you from getting pregnant. Wear and tear is real my sisters. We do not have many brands of adult diapers for nothing. I am even thinking of investing in a brand. The way some of you are going, I am sure it will have good returns.

Let me tell you how it will probably go. Right now you think you are winning. You have this ‘Kibaba’ you are keeping awake past his bedtime; jumping from one club to the next with your girlfriends, shrilling like evil spirits. You take him home in your adorable car that he bought, to your nice apartment he is RENTING for you and then do him to an inch of death (his).

He will probably get you a job that you are not qualified for and since it came easy, you will not think to even study while there as a backup. Your call to fame is your vagina. One day he is fired, or dies. Suddenly you have no job, no back-up plan and you have to start from scratch.

Say you decide to stick with your age mate this time, your body is so full of chemicals, should you decide to get pregnant, it’s a struggle. We are already ingesting too much aflatoxin, leave the contraceptives alone.

Maybe he does not die. You remain the horny goat’s squeeze for a while. Then he tells you he found the Lord, and he and mama are moving to the village to look after cows and carry grandchildren. You are 40 with a nice rental, expensive weave and fake eyelashes.

Youth comes but once in a lifetime, someone said. Why are you using this wonderful time to get yourself involved in alcohol-induced ghastly acts with men who have already enjoyed the innocence of their youth?

Yes, life is hard. Money is good. Free money even better. But is this money really free? Consider what these few coins are getting you into. Put your brain to better use. You have energy, hustle. Marry a young, intelligent and enterprising man. You will live a good life.

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