The Social Ethics teacher had my attention. I was in Form Two in an all-girls Catholic school (read sheltered). She said abortion was wrong, illegal and a sin under whatever circumstance. Even if the mother’s life was in danger. The mother had lived over 20 years (ideally). Why not sacrifice her life for her unborn baby?
That evening I shared with my mother. She was a staunch Christian so I assumed that she would be happy I was siding with my Social Ethics teacher. You should have seen me, repeating verbatim what the teacher had said.
My mother calmly asked me how many children I had birthed to think it would be an easy decision to leave my other children. Ok, that hit me. When I thought about it, my teacher then was not a mother either. So there could be another angle to this. But as an ignorant teenager, I still preferred the romance of a mother dying to give the foetus life. Not thinking that she was also someone’s child.
Someone said to me, “If women do not want babies, they should not conceive, then get abortions!” He even added that women are ‘production managers’. While I know it has been said since days of old that women ‘trap’ men by getting pregnant, I still have mixed feelings about this because a grown man, who does not have to be educated even, should know he can father a child every time he climbs on a woman. So if he does not want to be a daddy, he should take precautions.
Back to my point though, as women, we do not always have the luxury of deciding when we conceive. Society, religion and men most often decide. The church will tell you not to use contraception, that your body belongs to your husband. Fearing hell, you let go of control of your body.
Society expects you to give birth. You reach a certain age, we expect fat babies from you. Never mind that throughout your adolescent years you were never to mix with the opposite sex. We just want you to get a man and start producing our namesakes. Men, not always our husbands, but even them, also decide sometimes through violence. Rape.
You rarely hear men shouting against rape as passionately as they shout against abortion. Listen, women are not on this earth to bear pain upon pain.
If only it was as simple as not conceiving, somehow the body would know this was rape and turn down the sperm. As simple as believing because another human told you that some being who has never had to carry a baby would not be too pleased with you.
As simple as ‘stop having sex’( with ourselves though?). As simple as thinking I have the capacity to lay down my life at the expense of my living children. We ask too much of women. Going to war in the name of peace is not fun. Soldiers die, civilians too. Sometimes we must fight to preserve our lives. How is God able to forgive this?
Listen, this life is not a rehearsal. We cannot have a group of people deciding for the rest of us. If you really feel that the option of abortion is wrong, come up to my level and reason with me.
It is not enough to threaten me with hell and dreams of crying babies. I may already be living in hell. Tell me, what are you going to do about rape? How are you going to protect me? What will you do for me and this foetus that you care so much for when I do give birth, and I am a single mother and I cannot feed the baby? Will you protect me against society’s harsh criticism? Will you help me go on with my education? Will you counsel me? Will you take the baby if I do not want it?
Abortion is a symptom of something. Until that thing is dealt with, allow me the right to preserve myself or I will take that right by force.