In sickness and health: caregiving takes a toll on families

When 53-year-old Joel Omweri from Kenyenya subcounty in Kisii first began complaining of hand cramps in 2002, his wife, Mary Nyabeta, who was aged 51 years at the time, did not think much of it. 

The couple did not know that this ailment was the onset of a 22-year journey of caregiving, personal endurance and quiet sacrifice.

Nyabeta narrates to KNA how the signs started subtly: small tremors, stiffness and a growing difficulty in picking tea leaves on their farm. By 2004, the symptoms had intensified. 

Her husband's movements had slowed down, his stride faltered and the once-energetic farmer grew weaker by the day. Hospital visits became frequent, but with no conclusive answers. 

They opted to seek further treatment at Tenwek Mission Hospital in Momet, where they finally got a diagnosis: Omweri had Parkinson’s disease. 

Omweri then started his treatment with Sinemet to alleviate the symptoms. For a short interlude, the medication gave them hope and the 53-year-old could move almost normally on some occasions, but as time went on, the disease advanced. 

His muscles stiffened, his speech slurred and his hands shook uncontrollably. Soon, his wife was feeding, bathing, and turning him in bed at night. 

The care gradually became a full-time responsibility that defined Nyabeta’s life for more than two decades.

Owing to the demands of tending to her husband round the clock, her world shrank and this was evident by the trips to the market which stopped, conversations with friends faded, and days turned into years spent within the same compound. 

Nyabeta focused entirely on her spouse’s needs, ensuring that he ate, took his medicine, and stayed comfortable. The passage of time became measured in his good and bad days rather than months or seasons.

The couple had married in 1969, raising six children together and their faith strengthened when they became born-again Christians in 1982. 

Whenever exhaustion and loneliness crept in, Nyabeta reminded herself of their nuptial vows and God whom she believed carried her through the odyssey. 

Even as Omweri’s body weakened with the passing of time, his mind remained sharp and they continued making family decisions together, guiding their children.

Life on the farm became harder. With Omweri unable to work, Nyabeta recounts relying on their tea and coffee plantations for everything. 

Each tablet of his medication cost Sh80 to Sh90, and when money ran out, she borrowed. Missing even one dose meant a rapid decline in his ability to function. 

She spent long and sleepless nights, often interrupted by the need to turn him in bed. Yet, through it all, her devotion never wavered. 

Nyabeta says she loved her husband like a child, never harbouring negative thoughts despite the relentless strain his condition had put her through.

Two weeks before his passing in November 2024, she recalls Omweri resisting another hospital visit due to the tiring endless medications. 

That morning, she says, he announced he was finally ready. Nyabeta helped him prepare, dressed him, and he gave her the small bundle of money he kept by his side. Hours later, he was gone. 

In the months that followed, she found herself surrounded by silence. The routines that once filled her days vanished, leaving a hollow stillness that she did not know how to fill.

Nyabeta says true marriage demands certainty and intention, the willingness to stand beside each other through sickness and loss. 

Looking back, she sees not only pain but also purpose, a life shaped by love that endured the slow unraveling of time and strength. 

Despite all this, Nyabeta says she misses her husband every day and remains thankful for the years they shared, knowing she gave her all and would do it all again given a second chance. 

“Take care of your husband and don’t complain. Even when it’s hard, keep caring. God will take care of you,” she advises. 

Counselling psychologist Benson Nyagaka says caregiving, though noble, silently tests the limits of human endurance. 

Many caregivers find themselves torn between love and despair as they shoulder responsibilities that stretch their emotional and physical strength. 

Constant vigilance, managing medication, preventing falls, and attending hospital appointments raises stress hormones and disrupts sleep, often leading to burnout. 

Over time, caregivers experience what psychologists call anticipatory grief, mourning the gradual loss of a loved one’s independence and personality long before their passing.

Nyagaka adds that the signs of strain begin subtly with fatigue, headaches, and poor sleep, but can quickly evolve into irritability, hopelessness, and emotional numbness. 

Some caregivers withdraw from friends, neglect their own health, or rely on medication or alcohol to cope. 

“The social cost can be just as profound. Many drift away from community life, and family ties may become strained. Over time, caregivers risk losing their own identity, being seen only in relation to the person they care for,” the psychologist says.

Despite the strain, Nyagaka believes caregiving can remain meaningful when balance and support are maintained. 

He urges caregivers to seek emotional support, take short breaks, and turn to prayer, exercise vigilance, or go for counseling to manage stress and grief.

Nyagaka also highlights the need for stronger policy frameworks to support families dealing with chronic illness, noting that caregivers are often the invisible patients, quietly bearing the weight of illness beside those they love. 

“You cannot pour from an empty cup,” he says, alluding to emotional drain that is the toll on caregivers.

Support groups and community programmes are essential for patients and caregivers, offering information, guidance, and a sense of shared experience.

Caregiving, though heavily demanding, can reveal the deepest form of devotion. It is love stripped of comfort, defined by patience, faith, and the will to stay the course even if it means 22 years of unwavering care.