I know you have heard it like a hundred times, from Kenyan men of course, how they prefer Ugandan or Tanzanian and mostly Rwandese women. These women are deemed submissive (read doormats, which is not the meaning of submissive) who will not question men and do exactly what their men want no matter what. Unlike us.
Apparently, Kenyan women are rough, tough, demanding and not understanding.
I maintain that our men (more our choice in men, lakini hawa ndio wako!) make us this way. Then there is the fact that we are more exposed so a lot of what we think is bullshit will not fly.
This article is for women, by the way. I am not here to bash Kenyan men for their choices. I want to tell you, my fellow women, that there might be an easier way to get what you want. Maybe even from more than one man without using your chest and breathing fire and brimstone.
A story is told of a married woman who was sleeping with her next-door neighbour for years. Really it could be someone’s lifetime. Her husband had/has no idea. In fact, he was known to brag about how faithful and obedient his wife was. This “humble and submissive” woman in the meantime had two men, each thinking she was as dumb as a doorknob. She did the usual, smile, never talked back. Had meals ready at a certain time. Basically never changed anything (attitude) even as her bank account grew.
Listen, it is not too late for us to learn a new way of living, or even try and see if it works. Let us imagine, what if we taught our girls that the end justified the means? I mean this woman had her cake and was eating it and throwing more than crumbs on the floor.
This was not one of us, she was one of our neighbouring sisters. (If it was one of us we would easily be caught, we often start despising our “beginnings”.)
Have you noticed, ladies with the best sex (apparently), submissive (long-suffering, that is the popular interpretation) are from very poor counties, countries? Their society has taught girls and women to use what is easily available to them, their bodies (sex work is not only on the streets).
Now let us put all this into perspective. We have more opportunities and have the soundness of mind to look at our neighbours and collect a few lessons from there. Shouldn’t our lives be easier? AND this is not just for money or soft life, but you may just want to have a successful relationship or be supported, or want more opportunities.
Would it be easier if we did not always feel the need to compete? I mean to compete in this way: He does this, you want to do that, bigger; instead of looking at the end and doing what benefits you.
Please note, at no point are we talking abuse. We are talking about normal ups and downs of relationships that we can blow out of proportion because we want “equality”. If you are in an abusive relationship, whatever form that abuse takes, leave.
I am not saying you should dumb down. I am saying what if you knew when to keep quiet and when to bring your intellect to the game? And also IF to bring your heart too? What if you did not operate on feelings all the time? Because it is the feelings that make us rough. If you did not care you would not be so wound up.
I think our sister neighbours have the secret to looking beautiful, just look closely. We are not uglier, we just feel too much and it drives us crazy.
I have observed that this strategy does not work if you pick a joker off a deck of cards, you must pick a king then learn how to play the game.
When I was growing up, I thought life had to be black and white. I cannot tell you how much that hard stance brought pain and stress. Now as an older woman, I accept how colourful life is, I even enjoy the different shades. It is getting more manageable.
