Diary,
My medical conference in Chicago is going splendidly. I’m learning so many new things. Like mysterious diseases that I, a practising medical doctor, didn’t even know existed.
In one, called Foreign Accent Syndrome, a patient, usually after a stroke or trauma, wakes up one day speaking in a different accent. Another one, known as Auto-Brewery Syndrome, is a bizarre medical condition where a person gets drunk from alcohol produced in his own small intestines.
There might be in Kenya more incidences of this second condition than we think.
But the most surprising of all, the Americans themselves. Besides their weird English twists, and most of them boasting of living in the best country on earth, what passes for customs here can sometimes be very baffling.
One of the delegates, a radiologist from a small town called Eureka Springs, Arkansas, approaches me with a very strange proposal.
“Hello, Dr Ojiambo,” he says, reading my name tag. “You’re from Kenya, no?”
“The one and only.”
“Think an old radiologist is welcome there?”
“Of course. We’re a very welcoming nation. Why, are you interested in moving there?”
“More like escaping, truth be told. These alimony payments are killing me.”
“You’re divorced? Sorry about that.”
“Nah. I’m not sorry I left the blasted woman. It’s my bank account she’s draining. Say, how do you like America?”
The sudden change of topic throws me off a bit. “It’s not too bad. I’m not crazy about the snow, though.”
“No problem, my boy. That’s what Florida is for. And with a beautiful woman like Hazel, you get to enjoy the sun all year round as well as other benefits. Like becoming a full-blown American citizen.”
“Is that so?” I can already picture myself on a beach in Keys, the sun on my skin and a beautiful blond on my arm. “And where would I meet this beautiful Hazel.”
“No problem, my boy. I’ll personally introduce the two of you.”
“You will, huh?”
“Of course. It would be my pleasure.”
“Now you’re talking. Who is she, your friend or a relative?”
“She’s my ex-wife. If the two of you shack up, that would be the end of my alimony payments. A win-win situation, if I may say so myself.”
