• Those from Western Kenya know the value of and keep the tradition of wailing, eulogising and feasting at funerals very seriously.
• The microphone denial is just a euphemism for being denied what matters most — eating immediately after burial.
It is the season of politics and as the 2022 General Election draws near, all manner of talks are swirling and twirling around the country like a young lass’s frock in a summer breeze.
It is with this in mind that I chanced upon a story that was warning of dire consequences for those deemed to oppose the presidential ambitions of Musalia Mudavadi.
Those from Western Kenya know the value of and keep the tradition of wailing, eulogising and feasting at funerals very seriously.
It was with a resounding alarm that some of us read the piece of news in this newspaper quoting communications guru Kibisu Kabatesi when he warned that those speaking ill of ANC’s Mudavadi will no longer be allowed the microphone and to eat at funerals in Western.
I know Kabatesi is one of those big people. We know them for when they arrive at funerals, the villagers are usually ejected from seats to give way for the big people from the city. “Watu wa nyumbani wachieni wageni wa Nairobi viti na kama ulichukua soda tafadhali rudisha. Hiyo ni ya watu wa Nairobi. Nyinyi mtapewa uji.”
This is one clarion call that resounded in all the Kenyan villages whenever there was a funeral. At least before Covid-19 happened. So when Kabatesi is speaking, those of us well schooled in the art of feasting at funerals know for a fact that the microphone denial is just a euphemism for being denied what matters most — eating immediately after burial.
Here the big man speak, “We know sell-outs who pretend to support him (Mudavadi). Don’t allow them to sneak into funerals with tokens yet they talk ill of Mudavadi. Reject and eject them.”
What this means in effect is that those opposed to Mudavadi will be leaving funerals without a bite. It’s a biting disappointment even to think of.
I know I am speaking on behalf of many when I appeal to Kabatesi to reconsider his tough stand. Just let the good mourners participate in sending off of their loved ones. It would be a double tragedy to hoof it for several kilometres to go to a burial, pine for the food being served, then leave repining that you could not even be served a boiled hoof to eat!
Away from Kabatesi and his threats, I am reminded of the big story that made waves in recent times. This was about Samido, a musician who apparently had some predilections for a woman by the name of Karen.
As the storm really hit the matrimonial bed, a chastised Samido took to social media to apologise for the anguish his moves had caused all parties. Now I don’t know the woman but those in the know tell me she is quite a looker.
I checked the meaning of the name Karen and Wikipedia says that “Karen is a pejorative term for a woman seeming to be entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is normal.”
On the other, the nearest the Bible has of the name is Keren-happuch who was the youngest of the three beautiful daughters of Job, named in the Bible as given to him in the later part of his life, after God made Job prosperous again. Bible Gateway describes her thus: "Her name speaks of 'box of paint' which was a vessel containing liquids frequently made of horn, and called 'horns' Such a name is indicative of beautiful eyes.”
So now we can start to have an idea of what made the guitar man, Samido, stray.
In this mix, we seem to have forgotten that there was a day in 2014 when one Francis Onyiso, one of the best goalkeepers ever to play for the Harambee Stars, once took out an advert in this very newspaper to apologise to his memsahib for undisclosed reasons.
“I, Francis Onyiso, take this opportunity to apologise to my beloved wife Janet Aoko Owino for the pain I have caused her and the family. I ask for forgiveness and promise never to repeat again,” the advert read.
Now to the crux of the matter: Apart from being a master crooner, I am told Samido is also a police officer. On his part, by the time he was penning the apology, Onyiso was a Sergeant in the 81 Tank Battalion of the Kenya Defence Forces, no less.
It is for a reason that they are called members of the disciplined forces!