MODERN MUM: Perks of extended family living

After a trying year with my eldest son's kindergarten, I decided it was best to take a long break from them. I had planned on taking a long summer break anyway to spend as much time as I could with my ageing parents. They also wanted nothing more than to spend more time with my children, whom they barely saw.

The life we live in the diaspora is a very nucleated one. Other than school, my children have limited contact with other people.

Since I grew up in the 90s with the extended family culture, I grew up in close quarters with my cousins. As the lastborn cousin, I grew up much faster and learnt a lot from everyone around me.

My son is the oldest child and had been an only child for four years. He doesn't have as much experience with learning hierarchy and discipline amongst his cousins. This, I believed, was something that would make him grow faster and open his mind up to adapting in a wide scenario of things. More importantly, I wanted to prove to the kindergarten in our country that my son could thrive in a kindergarten if they did not nitpick.

We have been home for a better part of a month and both my sons are thriving. My eldest is having the time of his life at his new school. He hasn't had an ‘accident’ once. Meanwhile, the school we left behind will not have us bring him to school without a diaper on. Why? Our shy four-year-old had to tell them if he wanted to go to the potty. Apparently it is not a teacher's job to teach, anticipate and plan ahead. He also has an understanding of his position in the family with his cousins being much bigger than him. They play with him and let him have his way sometimes, but he knows he's not the boss.

Back home, our firstborn is the pickiest eater we have ever encountered. But here, it is survival; either he eats what we all eat or stays hungry. Okay, it's not too bad because I plan around his likes and dislikes, but he is much more open to eating things he ordinarily wouldn't. Especially when someone else serves him. At times I take pictures and send them to my husband and he is surprised at the young man he once knew so well.

Meanwhile, the baby is still playing clingy games, but he is more receptive to others. In our first week, he cried at every unfamiliar face. Now all those faces are representative of different activities he enjoys. He knows if I go with this person, I will ride a bike. If I go with this person, I will eat what I like. And so on.

Seeing this side of life we could have been living with our extended family makes me sad. My children would have been getting the most out of living with family. Alas, if it wasn't for greener pastures, we would have prioritised living with family over anything else.