Teen mums rejected at home, stigmatised in school

Violet Nanjala, 18, is one of the many girls in her community to get pregnant during the Covid-19 lockdowns.

Although she did not contract the disease, its effects on her life will be a constant and lasting memory.

Nanjala is among thousands of teen mothers in Bungoma county who suffer in silence from social stigma, rejection from families and communities. 

She narrates her ordeal, saying her mental health has not been stable.

“My parents frustrate me and my 11-month-old baby. I no longer have the desire to go to school, much as I leave every morning,” Nanjala, who studies at Ngolia Secondary School in Bungoma county, says.

As she sits down with her baby in their compound, Nanjala describes how life has been unfair to her since she got pregnant.

“I went to a friend's birthday party after I received an invite. We partied and spent a night there. It is that day that I had sex with one of the boys and later found out I was pregnant,” she says.

Feeling remorseful, Nanjala says she went home and returned to school but when she realised she was pregnant, all hell broke loose.

“When I told my parents about it, they changed their minds about paying my fees and became indifferent all of a sudden,” she says.

While Nanjala has managed to put up with the stress of name-calling, shaming and stigma from her family and the community, her cousin killed herself over the pressures.

DREAM VS REALITY

With a teary face, Nanjala paints a grim picture of how her close cousin died over rejection.

“So one day, I went to their house and found her parents lashing at her and asking her to go to the father of the child,” she said.

“They would quarrel with her, intimidate her and throw her out of the house because of the pregnancy.”

Nanjala says one day after they had talked to each other, her cousin just went missing.

“She committed suicide by drinking poison. She earlier had confided in me that she was tired of the guilt and frustrations that had gotten her. Her parents and the father of the child rejected her and wanted nothing to do with her.”

It is from the occurrence that Nanjala gained emotional strength to keep the baby.

“She came to me through a dream. She told me not to do anything bad to my baby or to myself. She kept encouraging me and that is how my baby survived,” she says with a smile.

But that was just a beautiful dream. Nanjala still had to convince the parents about her situation.

“I told my parents about the dream and they forgave me and accepted me, but I did not know what would happen once I gave birth,” she says.

When school opened, her mother and sister began frustrating her.

“They showed me no mercy. They rejected my child. Until now, I don't feel like going back to school," she says.

Nanjala, who is in Form 3, says when she leaves home, she is not sure who will take care of the baby.

“The baby will just stay that way until I get home. My parents don't want him. So sometimes my grandmother comes and takes care of him but when she leaves, the baby will just cry the whole day,” she says.

“They even refused to pay my fees anymore. I have not paid fees since we resumed school this year.” She says she wants to be a lecturer when she finishes her studies.

FIGHTING STIGMA

Forum for African Women Educationalists (Fawe) CEO Teresa Otieno says parents should be empowered to prevent stigma.

“Popularisation of the entry and re-entry policy should be a priority. This will enable parents to be empowered. It will offer a platform on how they can support their children,” she says.

“Sometimes these children get pregnant due to parental negligence. You tell a child to leave home and come back with milk. Where do you think she will get it from?” 

Esther Wafula, 21, mother of a four-year-old boy, got pregnant in 2017, when she was in Form 1.

“I went to school at a relative's place in Kisii county. But when I reached there, I realised that life was difficult,” she says.

As she looks down, she says it is due to poverty that she decided to get help from a boyfriend.

“So we were having sex as he helped me with my financial needs. We did this without protection but he said he knew about withdrawal. But then one day, I just got pregnant,” she says.

Wafula said the man who got her pregnant refused to take charge of the baby, leaving her confused and mentally disturbed.

“It was my mother who took me home and after a few days, I gave birth. When I got pregnant, my stress levels rose until I was diagnosed with ulcers,” she says.

She says in as much as the stigma remains in her heart, the shame made her feel less of a human being.  

“I gained a particular energy when I realised I was going to be a mother. I wanted to be a better mother to my child. So I went back to school so I could read and help my child,” she says.

SCHOOL MISFITS DILEMMA

Some 2,700 teenagers aged between 10 and 19 conceived in the last quarter of 2019.

Bungoma County Referral Hospital statistics indicate that the number increased in the first quarter of 2020 to 3,317 cases. By December 2020, the statistics had risen to 6,000 teen pregnancies. 

Ngoli Secondary School principal David Ifumbi says they have had several cases of pregnancies.

“Most of them come back alone. We use teachers, the board and parents to quietly look for them and bring them back to school,” he says inside his office.

“I use other girls to gauge their feelings but personally, I have not received any disturbing news. They are doing well,” he says.

He says five students sat KCSE after giving birth. Out of the number, the first one scored C, followed by three C- and the last one had a D.

Ifumbi says the government should develop a new policy to ensure teen mothers have special schools and exams.

“They suffer at the expense of those who are in the system. It is difficult for a teen mother to give birth immediately and be rushed to the exams,” he says.

“It's a risky process because even when women give birth, they are given tender care for months, but with these girls, there is none.”

The Fawe CEO differs, saying this will bring exclusion to the girls and make them lose focus.

“Teen mothers should be integrated back into schools to prevent stigma. Mixing them will make them catch up very fast with others,” Otieno says. 

“Separating them will make them see themselves in another light. They will start talking about their children... boyfriends instead of focusing on education.”

Kanduyi county commissioner Abdul Shakur says teen pregnancies are driven by peer pressure.

“Our girls try to get out of poverty, which has reached deep into the villages here. Those girls from around here depend on men for economic support,” he says.

Some beliefs and cultural issues also led to teen pregnancies during the Covid-19 period, Shakur adds.

“Some parents want to commit girls to early marriages. We have received reports of girls who have gotten married while young,” he says. 

“Also, girls who go to disco matanga are culprits of pregnancies.” 

The Bungoma County Girls Advocacy Initiative rescues girls who have been defiled or rejected, says its secretary Rebecca Masibayi.

“We also help school dropouts due to early pregnancies by ensuring they either get back to school or join polytechnics,” she says.

“And for those who can't further their education, we place them into small businesses, like selling firewood, selling kales.”

Masibayi says they received 15 cases during the pandemic.

“All were assisted to report back to school, except one who went into depression due to parental negligence but was also assisted to get back to her senses through medical attention,” she says. 

However, teen mothers who go back to school face challenges of being shamed and stigmatised.

“They also experience psychological disturbance, lack of a consistent babysitter, child sickness and lack of proper diet to a lactating mother, leading to malnutrition of both mother and child,” she says.

“This child will become a weakling, and therefore the girl will not concentrate because she would be thinking of the child.”

ENTRY, RE-ENTRY POLICY 

The entry, re-entry policy, introduced in Kenya in 2020, enabled teenage mothers to continue schooling after delivery. 

Otieno says Kenya can ensure the policy is efficient by implementing it. 

“More advocacy should be done to allow school heads to embrace and be familiar with it. This will allow them to accept teen mothers back to school,” she says. 

For it to work, Otieno says the government should embrace it.

“This can help teen mothers get funds allocated to support them with their children as well. There are those who are vulnerable that this policy can help, like those from a poor background,” she says.

Otieno says most teen mothers prefer TVETs (Technical and Vocational Education and Training institutions) to going back to school.

“There should be flexibility for teen mothers to choose between business and going back to school,” she says.

But she adds that teen mothers should not be given special treatment. 

“You don't have to give the teen mothers milk because they are breastfeeding or give them some kind of extra attention. This will encourage other girls to want to get pregnant so they can also enjoy such luxuries,” she says.

She calls on religious leaders to also support advocacy since many people believe in them.

Masibayi from the Advocacy Initiative says parents who are not supportive have proved to be a big letdown with taking care of teen mothers and their mental health.

“Some parents have become uncooperative towards this. There are those who disown their children immediately they become pregnant. This girl once she delivers, there is no hope of her going back to school,” she says.

Edited by T Jalio