SOCIETY TALK

The trap of waiting for stability to get married

Sometimes the right time never arrives, so take a leap of faith

In Summary

• Many are still waiting for the ‘right time’ to get married, to start a business, and so on

Financial calculations
Financial calculations
Image: PEXELS

On one of my random midnight scrolls on TikTok, I came across an expecting parent who posted a touching video of her soon-to-be baby's nursery. The nursery was beautifully decorated, with all the essential baby furnishings and toys.

Painted in warm, soothing colours of matte pink and grey, everything was sparkling clean and waiting for its owner’s arrival. I found myself subconsciously putting my hand on my belly and apologising for not having that ready for my child.

“I’m sorry we don’t have a room ready for you. I am sorry we do not even have a home ready before your arrival. I am sorry we don’t have a stable environment.”

All I ever wanted growing up was to bring a child into this world in a stable environment. I wanted to have a home and opportunities to create a unique experience of welcoming my child into the world. I waited for such a long time to be able to give my child this dream, yet as the moment draws closer, I cannot help but find myself falling short.

For the last two years, my husband and I have found ourselves in a less than ideal situation. We have been forced to live in two different parts of the world, in the midst of a global pandemic that threatened everything we were working towards. We remain uncertain about many things in our future and our plans are left bobbing in the air like little bubbles of hope that could burst at any given minute.

We had originally planned to have a child when we were living in the same zip code under the same roof. When we found out we were expecting we had hoped by the time we deliver, our plans would have begun taking shape. Alas! Here we are, months later with no solid plan in motion. Making the best of the situation as we go along.

Afterwards, I could not help but draw some similarities with our earlier experiences. It took us quite a while before we got married because we were both waiting to have some sort of stability. My husband was settling in his new job and country, while I was trying to reignite my career after my postgraduate studies. The stable moment never came, we had a shotgun wedding that was made possible by the love and support from family.

I thought about all the men and women who are still waiting for the ‘right time’ to get married, to start a business, or to take a leap of faith. That wishful right moment in time that people believe will be their starting point towards something great.

Last week I touched on how external factors will always influence your plans. These factors range from an array of circumstances, emergencies, unplanned events. These reasons will always give you an excuse to justify why the moment is not right just yet, why you are not financially ready or emotionally stable to take the next big step.

Think of a photographer, he is always trying to take the picture at the right angle, with the right pose, when the light is just right… yet he will spend hours in the editing suite to create the perfect photo.

Stability does not come from being ready to take the plunge; stability is being unwavered in your determination to proceed with your plans. Left to fate, stability will never come, there will always be an opposing force. If you refuse to get married because you are not financially stable yet, you might be locking out the blessings that would come with your marriage.

I am trying to learn to let go of this idealism that lived in my head for many years. The perfect house in the perfect neighbourhood with the quaint little nursery I had always dreamed of. Perhaps my baby was not meant to have that but rather he was meant to be surrounded by the love and adoration of his extended family. Perhaps that is all the stability he needs.