Should colleagues be allowed to get romantically involved?

Remarks by Interior CS Fred Matiang’i that police officers will not be allowed to engage in romantic relationships with each other have highlighted the controversy around romance at the workplace.

As men and women work together for hours at a time, natural instincts will inevitably kick in. Indeed, many people say they met their marriage partners while working together. For others, falling in love with a workmate turned out to be an experience of painful memories.

The big question facing employers is whether romantic relationships enhance or hinder the ability of employees to work together. Some people say romantic relationships interfere with day-to-day interaction between employees. An employee in a romantic relationship with the boss may be promoted to a position he or she is not qualified to hold, and this creates resentment among colleagues.

A professional setting where romantic relationships are prevalent can result in sexual harassment when a supervisor makes unwanted sexual advances on a subordinate employee. The employee may agree to the relationship for fear of unfavourable treatment should the demands not be met. Matiang'i said the move to discourage romantic relationships among police officers is aimed at addressing rising cases of sexual harassment in the service.

Esther Mlale, an industrial safety officer at the Coast, agrees with Matiang'i but says romantic relationships should be allowed if the employees are in different departments or locations. "Romantic relationships interfere a lot with cohesion because people don't know how to relate with the couple. For example, how do you relate with your boss's girlfriend when she's your subordinate? Can you really tell her anything?" she wonders.

Mlale says some organisations tolerate love affairs among employees, but if the relationship gets serious, such as if the couple marries, then one of them would have to get a job elsewhere. Matiang'i hinted at a similar approach for the police. "If it happens that two police officers fall in love, then one has to leave the service," he said.

For Fridah Mogaka, a communications officer in Nairobi, the main problem with workplace romance is when junior staff are in a love affair with colleagues in top management. She says such staff develop an attitude problem that makes the work environment difficult for everybody else. "It is worse when the junior staff is a man in a relationship with a female manager," Fridah says.

Why romance among police officers sparks violence

Police officers have access to firearms and are highly trained in using them. This can tempt an emotionally vulnerable person to resolve personal grievances with the gun. There have been several cases of police officers attacking their lovers or perceived rivals with government-issued firearms.

Notably, Matiang’i revealed his proposals to end romantic involvement within the police the same month one of the officers assigned to his security team died in a murder-suicide incident with his wife, also a police officer. Hudson Wakise reportedly shot dead his wife before turning the gun on himself. Apparently, the couple had a domestic row before the shooting. Their two children are now orphans.

The work of a police officer is physically and emotionally demanding. The National Task-Force on Police Reforms whose report was published in 2009 found that underpayment, stressful working conditions, lack of equipment and inadequate accommodation were major sources of stress among police officers. The added stress of a romantic relationship could push an already vulnerable individual into engaging in violent actions.

Is workplace romance avoidable?

Peter Mulwa, a Nairobi-based ICT networks administrator, says workplace romance is unavoidable. "It is impossible to stop adults from interacting [romantically]. It doesn't work," he says.

“Matiang'i’s idea is good as it fosters a good work ethic where personal life does not bleed into work life. The deeper implication is that it will not be adhered to but instead those relationships will be hidden and continue to flourish,” Mulwa says.

“My take is that we can have these relationships allowed within acceptable parameters that will allow for interaction without creating tension. The better way would be to not have the couple in the same working environment. Couples should be sensitised on how to avoid the traps that arise in these arrangements. This will create a vibrant workforce without neglecting interpersonal relationships.” 

With an increasing number of employees having to work irregular hours to earn their keep, many find that they are spending more time with their workmates than with their spouses at home. A typical weekday is nine hours long but the hours could increase, depending on workload. Some jobs require employees to travel together for days at a time on marketing promotions, conferences, site visits and other types of field engagements. When men and women spend that much time together, the flames of romance can easily be ignited.

Having a workmate as a lover is not a completely bad thing, though. The obvious advantage is that you get to spend the better part of the day together – both during and after working hours. You check up on each other, have meals together, share workplace gossip and even help each other with official tasks. Some employees compare a lover in the workplace to an extra pair of eyes, ears and hands to help you achieve your professional objectives.

Pitfalls of having a workmate as a lover

Love affairs can bring out the best in people, but they also bring out the worst behaviour. When people fall in love, the fear of losing this exciting new person creates feelings of insecurity, which manifests in jealousy. Seeing your lover talk to other people at work, collaborate with colleagues on projects or sleeping in the same hotels during field assignments can instigate pangs of jealousy.

Imelda Wangui, a civil servant in Nairobi, says some lovers get so possessive of their partners that it interferes with their partner’s interaction at work. “Just cracking a joke with a colleague can drive such people mad with jealousy," she says. In worst-case scenarios, jealousy at the workplace can result in violence directed either at the lover or at the perceived rival.

Damaris Wakesho, a counsellor in Nairobi, says, “Romantic relationships in the workplace are not good for well-known reasons, and that's why some organisations have policies with regards to that.” Such relationships compromise supervision (especially if it is between a supervisor and a subordinate) and create biases in promotions and other favours.

Complications arise when the relationship has to end. “The subordinate employee tends to worry whether the former lover will instigate their sacking from the organisation, or whether the promotion they got while in romance with a senior person will be reversed. Those kinds of thoughts result in a lot of anxiety,” Wakesho says.

Helping police officers manage stress

Inspector General of Police Hilary Mutyambai says in the past few years, the National Police Service has enhanced its efforts to support officers and their families in psychological wellbeing.

“While it is true that every person experiences stress and trauma, the disciplined service is unique,” he said.

“Whenever they [police officers] go out on their day-to-day activities, they encounter scenarios and incidents that are stressful and traumatic, leaving emotional wounds in their hearts even as they continue providing safety and security of the citizens.” 

The police service is implementing psychosocial programmes to support police officers and their families with psychological well-being. Soon after taking office in April 2019, Mutyambai launched the Trauma-Informed Initiative Content for the police service.

Police officers alongside those of the Directorate of Criminal Investigations discussed their experiences with distress, stress, trauma, resilience, creativity and healing.

Edited by T Jalio