He's big and it hurts is there a problem?

He is too big and it was painful
He is too big and it was painful

Hi Valentine,

There is this guy that I have been seeing and recently we had sex. The problem is he is too big and it was painful. I like him so what can I do? Am I normal?

I thought women like big ones.


Well Rosemary, first of all it’s great that you met a guy you like and second of all, ouch!

Pole sana. Contrary to common belief, not all women are size queens. In fact, most of us are quite happy with about 5.5 inches, which is just shy of the length of a Sh1,000 note.

You are not alone; there is such a thing as too much penis.

So your man has dick for two, what to do?

I’m not sure where to start because only you know the culture of your relationship and how to speak to each other, but any of these three pointers is a good first step. Make sure you do all three:

  • You need a good water-based lubricant. Just have it on hand so you can reach for it if things start to feel a little dry.

  • More foreplay — your vagina stretches, widens and lubricates when you are turned on, so please tell your man that when he thinks he is done with foreplay, he should give it another seven minutes (or two songs if you are listening to music). It will make a big difference.
  • Tell him that he is too big — you can sing it as Beyonce did ‘it’s too big, it’s too wide, it won’t fit, it’s too much… he’s got a big ego…’ or you could just say it; I don’t think he’ll mind.

Now you can suggest a few alterations to your positions and hopefully your guy will take it as a mini-compliment. Any position with you on top will put you in control so that should work. When he is on top, keep your legs as close together and close to the bed as possible that way he cannot penetrate too far. For rear entry, lie on your stomach, place a pillow under your pelvis and keep your legs together; if he lies on top of you he won’t be able to get too deep. You could also spoon i.e. have him lie behind you so that your bodies look like two spoons.

Take your time getting to know each other and your bodies and you should find a rhythm. And in case I wasn’t clear, you are perfectly normal.


So hooking up on social media?

Tinder, facebook, instagram, snapchat, twitter etc?

I really want to look at this in the month of March, now that we are done with the romance of February. Do you have a crazy story to share?

A surefire way of weeding out the crazy or the liars? Fail-safe conversation starters? Profile picture tricks? Talk to me.