• It has become a nightmare for Sgt Makini to listen to his partner
As the saga of Daniel D Siva, the newest arrival to Jiji Ndogo and self-proclaimed international thief, hots up, Sgt Sophia, my beautiful colleague and fiancé, drops a bombshell.
“So,” I say at the police post, working hard not to sound as worried as I am on the inside. “For the last one week, you’ve been undercover, pretending to like our new guest, so we can tell if he’s truly the criminal mastermind he claims to be. Anything to report so far?”
“Oh, yes!” For whatever reason, I hate the excited twinkle in her eyes. “I finally got to see him in his birthday suit last night.”
“What?” I grab a handful of the tiny hair on my head. Only stubborn genes and nails that I cut too short prevent me from coming off with a clump of uprooted follicles. “Naked? Why would he disrobe in your presence? And for Pete’s sake, why would you be so ecstatic about seeing him naked?”
“Let me tell you, Makini, it hasn’t been easy. Did I tell you I had a boyfriend who actually undressed at a restaurant?”
“At a restaurant? Why?”
“I dared him. We were on our second date and he blurted out the three little words.”
“I want food?”
“No, silly. He said I love you. On our second date. So I told him, ‘Prove it, Kimani. Take off your clothes and do a lap around this restaurant repeating those words.’”
“Did he do it?”
“Did he do it?” She makes a full modelling turn. “C’mon, look at me. Some men will climb Mt Everest in their birthday suits for a shot at all this fabulosity.”
“I guess you have a point. You’ve taken me through enough hoops as it is and… Wait one bloody minute! What’s this got to do with you seeing Daniel naked?”
“Don’t you see? One snap of my finger and I had Kimani down to his undies. Yet, it’s taken me a week — a whole seven days — to have Daniel take his clothes off. I mean, what’s the deal with this guy, right?”
“I still don’t get it. Why did you want him naked?”
“C’mon, Makini. Don’t play dumb. Men are most vulnerable without a stitch on. You’re a man. You should know that.”
“Maybe you’re right. I hate it when someone badges in on me in the bathroom. Especially when I’m struggling to scrub my back.”
“I’ve seen you trying to scrub your back. You look like you’re having a seizure.” She laughs. “I didn’t know if to help you or call an ambulance. But that’s not what I’m talking about. I mean… Forget it. You’ll never understand.”
“I could understand if you explain what part of being undercover requires that you sleep with a subject.”
Her eyes grow hard. “I never said I slept with him.”
“You said you saw him naked.”
“I did. He was going to the bathroom and he was brave enough to disrobe in front of me. It means I’m gaining his trust.”
I don’t know if to stay mad or be relieved. “Okay. I guess that makes some sense. Only some, mind you. I’m not positive I understand your entire logic.”
“Of course, it makes sense. After all, he saw me naked all the way back on Monday.”
“He did what?”
She laughs so hard, she almost pees herself. “Relax, sweetheart. I’m only kidding. Hahaha! You should see your face.”
“Phew! For a minute there, you had me going there.”
“Don’t worry. Nothing has happened. We won’t see each other naked until tonight when we make love.”